The Language Alchemy Podcast

90. A Must-have Communication Tool to Transform Your Life And Relationships

“If you're not having the meaningful, nourishing, kind and healthy relationships you deserve, it is because you are not communicating in alignment with your relational values,” explains host Alejandra, transformative communication teacher and coach. Today, Alejandra shares a must-have communication tool to transform your life and relationships.
 
One of the most impactful ways you can transform your life and relationships is to communicate consciously. If you’re not getting what you want to experience in your relationships, it is likely that you are not communicating in alignment with your relational values and are instead aligning with your unconscious habits or beliefs. In order to communicate in alignment with your values, you have to first define what they are. Alejandra shares a story about Kenyatta Leal, a man who was imprisoned and struggling with loneliness, unable to understand why his family didn’t want to pick up his phone calls anymore. Kenyatta meets a wise man in prison who tells him to write down his 10 relational values. When Kenyatta realizes that he is not living or communicating from a place of alignment with those values and that much of his pain is self-inflicted, it changes his entire life.
 
Alejandra recommends writing down your 10 most important relational values and getting familiar with them. Once you know your values, you can make conscious changes in your communication. By communicating consciously you will be able to have more fulfilling and meaningful relationships with yourself and others. 
 
Quotes
• “If what you would like is to be able to communicate effectively or skillfully, then you need to know that effective skillful communication is not about saying the right thing, or avoiding saying the wrong thing. Communicating skillfully is about communicating consciously.” (1:33-1:54 | Alejandra)
• “Values are your North Star. They are your compass to help you make decisions to help you live your life.” (3:47-3:56 | Alejandra)
• “When my communication students and coaching clients align their communication with their own relational values, everything changes for them.” (5:09-5:18 | Alejandra)
• “If you're not having the meaningful, nourishing, kind and healthy relationships you deserve, it is because you are not communicating in alignment with your relational values.” (11:24-11:37 | Alejandra)
• “When we're not experiencing what we want in life, it's because we're communicating in alignment with our habits and beliefs, most of which are unconscious.” (12:33-12:43 | Alejandra) 
• “Our values are not habitual. We are very conscious and aware of our values.” (12:49-12:55 | Alejandra)
Links
To join the mailing list, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com
To ask questions you'd like Alejandra to answer in the podcast, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To sign up for the Choosing True Connection 8-week Online Group Coaching Program waiting list, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/enroll
To schedule a reduced-rate coaching consultation with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com
To follow Alejandra on instagram follow @languagealchemy
To view The Last Mile's website, visit: https://thelastmile.org
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

89. 7 Communication Tools You Need to Use When You Talk to Women

“If you want to change this old, outdated, and inaccurate paradigm that women are inferior and men are superior, and you want to change this societal habit, then you need to take responsibility,” explains host Alejandra, transformative communication teacher and coach. Today, Alejandra shares seven transformative tools you can use to communicate in a way that is in alignment with your value of respect for women.
 
In order to honor women and reinforce the ideals of equality and equity, it is important to really look at the way you communicate with women. We have all been conditioned to communicate in ways that devalue women, and changing that requires a conscious effort. You can more effectively communicate with women in a way that is more respectful by taking notice of their body language and facial expressions, truly listening and not interrupting with unsolicited advice or opinions, and speaking up when a man takes credit for a woman’s ideas. 
 
If you are in a situation where men are speaking over women, or women are too shy to speak their minds, or someone is belittling a woman for being in touch with her feelings, take responsibility and say something. Many times, this behavior is so ingrained that people communicate in disrespectful ways unconsciously. By speaking up and drawing attention to it, you can empower women so that their voices can be heard.
 
Quotes
• “We've all been conditioned to communicate with women in ways that tend to hurt women or to give women the message that we are less than men or that we're not enough.” (4:11-4:22 | Alejandra) 
• “Notice women's body language and facial expressions as others are speaking.” (5:07-5:11 | Alejandra)
• “If you want to change this old, outdated, and inaccurate paradigm that women are inferior and men are superior, and you want to change this societal habit, then you need to take responsibility.” (9:17-9:33 | Alejandra)
• “Life will be much richer for you, when you learn to have access to your feelings and communicate them out loud.” (13:19-13:26 | Alejandra)
• “When you interrupt a woman to give her unsolicited advice, you are playing the role of protector. A woman telling you something stressful doesn't mean you need to perpetuate the patriarchal archetype of the damsel in distress.” (18:20-18:35 | Alejandra)
 
Links
To join the mailing list, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com 
To ask questions you'd like Alejandra to answer in the podcast, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To sign up for the Choosing True Connection 8-week Online Course waiting list, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/enroll
To schedule a reduced-rate coaching consultation with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com 
To follow Alejandra on instagram follow @languagealchemy 
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

88. Why We Talk About Women & Men the Way We Do

“When we human beings started using metal, not for technological purposes only like before, but to create weapons that were used by the males of those civilizations, that's when men had to become stronger and more ‘manly’ or ‘aggressive’ to survive. And that's when language changed to praise men for displaying aggressive and dominant behavior,” explains host Alejandra, transformative communication teacher and coach. Today, Alejandra shares why we use different language when speaking about women than when speaking about men through the lens of Riane Eisler’s book, The Chalice and The Blade: Our History, Our Future.
Riane’s book calls out the fact that the history of culture and civilization as we know it has been told by men. In it are accounts of history from the often untold feminine perspective. For example, ancient civilizations before the time of the Greeks were not by nature patriarchal and violent as you may have been taught in school. Mostly these cultures were about males and females creating thriving partnerships and peaceful societies. It all changed when humans began working with metal to create weapons. This change transformed language, started the trend of praising men for being aggressive, and ultimately transformed the relationship between men and women.
To this day, we see the impact language has made on the dynamics between men and women. It may be easy to think civilizations have always been patriarchal, but history shows that this is not the case. Ancient civilizations were quite egalitarian, and their societies were peaceful. It was not until the advent of metal weaponry that language began to favor a patriarchal paradigm.
 
Quotes
• “We tend to interpret our reality, our environment, our world based on our various layers of culture and the paradigms that influence us.” (7:12-7:22 | Alejandra)
• “When women and multidisciplinary teams looked at the same relics, they concluded that these ancient civilizations were about collaboration and creating thriving partnerships in which males and females cooperated in peaceful and egalitarian societies.” (7:45-8:04 | Alejandra)
• “When we human beings started using metal, not for technological purposes only like before, but to create weapons that were used by the males of those civilizations, that's when men had to become stronger and more ‘manly’ or ‘aggressive’ to survive. And that's when language changed to praise men for displaying aggressive and dominant behavior.” (10:36-11:04 | Alejandra)
• “This language changed the relationship between men and women. It changed the structure of human relations into rigid and force based rankings, and of course, we still see the impact today.” (11:39-11:55 | Alejandra)
• “We will not be able to evolve consciously and purposely if we're still speaking a language of war and domination.” (13:37-13:44 | Alejandra) 
• “When we transform our language, we transform our communication. And when we transform our communication, we transform our relationships. And when we transform our relationships, we transform our world.” (14:14-14:27 | Alejandra) 
 
Links
Riane Eisler's website: https://rianeeisler.com/
Center for Partnership Systems: https://centerforpartnership.org/
To join the mailing list, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com
To ask questions you'd like Alejandra to answer in the podcast, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To schedule a reduced-rate coaching consultation with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com
To follow Alejandra on instagram follow @languagealchemy
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

87. Should I Drop the B-word? And More

“If these terms are used over time, they serve to justify negative and harmful behaviors towards the group labeled with that devaluing term,” explains host Alejandra, transformative communication teacher and coach. Today, Alejandra answers listener questions on communication including why to drop the B-word and why some women downplay their accomplishments when they talk about themselves. 
 
Alejandra explains that the B-word cannot be reclaimed the way some other devaluing terms have been.
 
Even just one word can have the power to bring connection and love or divisiveness and hatred. Devaluing terms like the B-word have been used to negatively describe women since the 15th century. You might be tempted to use the B-word in casual conversation as an attempt to reclaim it. However, this word is not really for women to reclaim because they never used it to refer to themselves in the first place. Instead, all using the B-word does is perpetuate negative connotations and sexist ideas. 
 
Many historically marginalized groups have had words weaponized against them. For women, the B-word has always been used negatively by others. It isn’t a fun term that empowers women because it only serves to further the stereotype that women need to be submissive, simple, and agreeable. If you use the B-word in your communication, consider who that is serving and really think about if it reflects your values and beliefs.
 
Alejandra helps a listener reflect on why she feels uncomfortable talking about her positive qualities and achievements when she talks about herself. She explains that culture and language go hand in hand, and that if you’ve been raised in a culture that considers men more important than women, it will be hard for a lot of women to talk about their accomplishments without feeling that they shouldn’t.
 
Quotes
• “One word can be so powerful. One word can bring connection, love, divisiveness, hatred. The possibilities are infinite.” (2:41-2:51 | Alejandra)
• “Devaluing terms usually describe a particular group of human beings as subhuman or as non-human animals.” (4:40-4:49 | Alejandra)
• “If these terms are used over time, they serve to justify negative and harmful behaviors towards the group labeled with that devaluing term.” (5:59-6:10 | Alejandra)
• “Language and culture go hand in hand. Culture continuously shapes language, and vice versa.” (13:28-13:35 | Alejandra)
 
Links
To join the mailing list, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com
To ask questions you'd like Alejandra to answer in the podcast, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To schedule a coaching consultation with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com
To follow Alejandra on instagram follow @languagealchemy
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow:
open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

86. She Felt Like an Outsider, Now People Trust Her

“People see me as a person that they can trust since I am learning how to voice the things that may be hard to swallow, may be hard to hear, may be hard to hold. Yet, I am working on delivering these messages from my heart in a way that I am holding compassion and truly sitting with a person in front of me and listening to them,” explains Jenny Sapito Montalvo. Jenny is a Mesoamerican artist, intuitive guide, and visual designer. Today, she shares the transformations she has experienced in her life since starting coaching with Alejandra and harnessing the power of language.
 
Jenny grew up feeling like an outsider. She was born in the United States, but she spent several years in El Salvador. She experienced a lot of bullying in school due to being different from the other kids, being shy, and having a hard time communicating her emotions. Jenny was afraid to express herself because she thought people would misunderstand her or think she was a weirdo. Since going through coaching, she has become able to better voice her own opinions and open up more with others, so much so that she is now viewed as a trusted confidant rather than as an outside observer.
 
When Jenny learned to communicate more effectively, she was able to heal her relationships with her family and friends, stop being so fearful of conflict, and feel more comfortable in her own skin. It can be challenging to speak up and allow yourself to be heard, especially if you have been made to feel small in the past. However, if you’re willing to put in the work and commit to shifting your relationship with language, you can start to leave those old anxieties behind and improve your interpersonal relationships. 
 
Quotes
• “Right now how I identify is a human being with very cosmic connections, deeply rooted and committed to being here on the Earth.” (5:29-5:45 | Jenny)
• “I had a few friends and I found it challenging to navigate that too because I feel a bit of an outsider and feel that being quiet allowed me to be an observer.” (14:46-14:59 | Jenny)
• “There is always an opportunity to grow and to move through our anxieties and our beliefs of not feeling good enough to be heard.” (18:15-18:25 | Jenny) 
• “I'm able to communicate more of the things that I felt ashamed to admit to others because I'm operating in a different way. I'm very intuitive. I feel things. I feel energy. I get messages. And I felt shame for this. I felt that this is going to be misunderstood. People are going to see me as a weirdo. People are gonna think whatever, and that's valid. I mean, my ancestors and our ancestors did go through spaces where they felt they couldn't communicate things that might have seemed strange to others, even though they were very valid. And oftentimes these intuitive hits, this intuitive information can be lifesaving. So being able to communicate and connect to myself from this place of centeredness, feeling grounded, has allowed me to bring in a voice that was probably missing from the conversation.” (19:10-20:14 | Jenny) 
• “People see me as a person that they can trust since I am learning how to voice the things that may be hard to swallow, may be hard to hear, may be hard to hold. Yet I am working on delivering these messages from my heart in a way that I am holding compassion and truly sitting with a person in front of me and listening to them.” (21:24-21:49 | Jenny)
 
Links
To see Jenny's website visit: http://www.shapeshiftservices.com
To follow Jenny's Instagram, follow @jetamoro
 
To join the mailing list, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com
To ask questions you'd like Alejandra to answer in the podcast, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To schedule a reduced-rate coaching consultation with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com
To follow Alejandra on Instagram follow @languagealchemy
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

85. How Do You Talk About Women?

“When we are not aware of our use of language, we end up reinforcing beliefs that are in opposition to our very own values,” shares host Alejandra. The patriarchal paradigm has conditioned women to view one another as competition and to use more negative language than positive language when talking about other women. Today, Alejandra shares her tips for paying more attention to the language you use when speaking about women and how to transform your communication in a way that leaves that patriarchal paradigm in the past where it belongs.
 
No matter how dedicated you are to your path of transformation, true change will not occur without also transforming the language you use. If you frequently use negative language to talk about other women, take time to check in with yourself and determine why you are using those kinds of words. Instead, make the conscious choice to use language that respects, supports, and celebrates women and their accomplishments. This will ensure that you are always speaking in a way that aligns with your core values.
 
To transform how you speak to and about women, you first need to be mindful of the language you typically use. The patriarchy has ingrained us with all sorts of negative ideas about women. We speak of their success in ways that are degrading and downplay their efforts, while praising men for similar behaviors. Instead, women need to uplift one another, grant each other compassion, and refrain from using disrespectful language. 
 
Quotes
• “When we treat the female members of our human family with respect, mindfulness, and understanding, we all benefit.” (2:21-2:29 | Alejandra)
• “When we are not aware of our use of language, we end up reinforcing beliefs that are in opposition to our very own values.” (11:12-11:22 | Alejandra)
• “When you're talking about women who are successful, refrain from language that devalues them.” (15:05-15:10 | Alejandra)
• “When you are uncomfortable with a woman's success, ask yourself why and have a conversation with a trusted friend about this.” (15:26-15:33 | Alejandra)
• “If you are envious of a woman's qualities, then tell the truth. And the truth is that you are envious.” (15:50-15:57 | Alejandra)
• “When you hear a woman bringing another woman down with her words, interrupt her and ask that woman, what is it that she's experiencing? And redirect the conversation.” (16:15-16:27 | Alejandra)
• “Use language that acknowledges, supports, celebrates and rejoices with each of our sister's successes.” (16:43-16:51 | Alejandra)
 
Links
To listen to episode 33, "How to Talk to Women so They Connect to Their Worth," visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcasts/language-alchemy-podcast/episodes/2147694923
To join the mailing list, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com
To ask questions you'd like Alejandra to answer in the podcast, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To schedule a reduced-rate coaching consultation with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

84. Q&A: Dating to Have a Meaningful Intimate Relationship as a Spiritual Practitioner

“After you are clear on what your terms of engagement are, which are based on your values, your communication needs to reflect those terms of engagement in a consistent way from the very beginning,” explains host Alejandra. In order to have meaningful intimate relationships, it is important to be authentic and intentional in the language you use with your partner or potential partners. Today, Alejandra shares her tips for dating as a spiritual practitioner. 
 
You can have a meaningful and intimate relationship with a partner even if they are not on the same transformational path as you. What matters most is clear communication of your terms of engagement and staying true to those values throughout your relationship. If certain practices are important to your spiritual path such as daily yoga or meditation, then your partner needs to be accepting and supportive of those practices. When you date, be sure to be authentic and share your passion for your spiritual path so that you can know from the beginning whether your potential partner’s values align with your own. 
 
In order to have a deep, meaningful intimate relationship, you must communicate more effectively with your dates from the very beginning. Share what is most important to you, and do not waver on your values when deciding on a partner. While your partner does not necessarily have to be on a spiritual path themselves, it is vital that they at least be supportive and understanding of your path. 
 
Quotes
• “In order to have a meaningful and deep relationship as a spiritual practitioner, you don't necessarily have to have a partner who's also on the spiritual path.” (4:06-4:17 | Alejandra)
• “The language you're using with people you are dating will communicate to them the kind of level of depth that you would like to have with them.” (6:56-7:04 | Alejandra)
• “When you describe yourself, when you talk about yourself, when you share about how you spend your time, if you are not sharing that you are on a path of transformation, if you don't mention how meaningful the practices of yoga and meditation are for you, then you are not communicating authentically. And if that is so then it would be important to do some inquiry and find out what kind of inner dialogue is going on for you that's leading you to omit something that is so important to you.” (12:15-12:51 | Alejandra) 
• “Your terms of engagement are based on your core values.” (13:53-13:49 | Alejandra)
• “After you are clear on what your terms of engagement are, which are based on your values, your communication needs to reflect those terms of engagement in a consistent way from the very beginning.” (14:28-14:43 | Alejandra)
• “The level of depth and meaning in your intimate relationship depends on the quality of your communication.” (16:14-16:21 | Alejandra) 
 
Links
To schedule a reduced-rate coaching consultation with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com
To join the mailing list, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com
To ask questions you'd like Alejandra to answer in the podcast, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

83. 3 Communication Habits that Undermine Loving Long-term Relationships

“These three communication habits lead to a gradual dismissal or devaluation of your partner. And when you dismiss or devalue your partner, your relationship will not last, let alone thrive,” shares host Alejandra. Whether you are currently in a relationship or would like to be one in the future, it is important to understand your communication habits. A healthy relationship relies on healthy communication. Today, Alejandra shares three communication habits to refrain from if you want to have a loving long-term relationship. 
 
The first habit to refrain from is constantly pointing out what is lacking in your relationship instead of ever acknowledging the good things. The next habit to avoid is teasing or embarrassing your partner in public. Lastly, refrain from the tendency to sweep problems under the rug. If you always sweep issues under the metaphorical rug, you’re not  having an open, honest conversation with your partner. These habits cause your partner to feel devalued, and ultimately it’s unlikely that your relationship will last.
 
Loving communication is the key to unlocking a long-lasting relationship. Learn the communication habits you should refrain from if you want to maintain a healthy, thriving relationship.
Quotes:
• "Whether you are in a committed relationship now, or you'd like to be in one in the future, it's crucial to know how you are communicating, because the health and wellbeing of a loving relationship depends on the quality of your communication." (1:53-2:10 | Alejandra) 
• “If every time your partner recognizes their limitation or apologizes to you, and that's not enough for you, it's very likely that your partner will feel less and less confident that they can repair the connection with you. And it's likely that in the future, the apologies will be few and far between.” (6:07-6:31 | Alejandra)
• “Refrain from teasing or embarrassing your partner in public.” (7:35-7:39 | Alejandra)
• “When you sweep things under the rug, you don't talk about what matters. You don't let your partner know when you are upset, disappointed, frustrated, when something's not working for you. And maybe you think that you don't want to offend your partner. And that's why you don't say anything, and you may even pretend everything is okay. But the problem is that under that metaphoric rug, especially if you've been in this relationship for years, under that metaphoric rug, there is a lot of resentment built up. And when resentment grows, you may not even notice this, but it slips out periodically in communication in the form of passive aggression.” (9:13-10:51 | Alejandra) 
• “These three communication habits lead to a gradual dismissal or devaluation of your partner. And when you dismiss or devalue your partner, your relationship will not last, let alone thrive.” (15:08-15:25 | Alejandra)
 
Links
To listen to episode 82, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcasts/language-alchemy-podcast/episodes/2147859959
To schedule a reduced rate consultation with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com
To join the mailing list, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com
To ask questions you'd like Alejandra to answer in the podcast, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

82. How to Maintain a Loving and Thriving Long-term Relationship

“The greatest secret to maintaining a loving and thriving long term relationship is to commit to communicating lovingly every single day, regardless of whether things are easy or hard,” explains host Alejandra. It is easy to maintain a loving long-term relationship when things are going well. It can be more difficult to express love and affection for our chosen life partner when things start to go south. Today, Alejandra discusses how to maintain loving and nourishing long-term relationships.
You already know how to express love and communicate lovingly when everything is going well in your life. The harder part is to keep communicating lovingly and patiently even when things get tough. Remember that you chose your partner for a reason. If you are beginning to see your partner as a challenge or obstacle it will be harder for you to maintain a healthy, loving connection with them. 
The secret to a healthy, thriving long-term relationship is daily loving communication. Make sure that you are committing to communicating from a place of love for your partner regardless of whether things are easy or hard.
Quotes
• “You have all it takes to develop and maintain a loving and fulfilling long lasting relationship.” (3:39-3:47 | Alejandra) 
• “It's easy to express love, care, affection, when things are going well.” (6:44-6:50 | Alejandra)
• “When we perceive that things are not going well, and we start to experience our partner as a challenge as an obstacle, there's a part of us that forgets our choice. And unless we address what's happening within us, we start to relate to our partner as a challenge or as an obstacle.” (10:37-10:56 | Alejandra)
• “If you want to have a conscious, loving, long term relationship, my message to you today is that you need to learn to express love and communicate lovingly. Not only when things are easy, but especially when things are challenging. When things are hard, you need to remember that you have the natural ability to express love and communicate lovingly. You need to remember that this is part of your nature, and that your ability to express love or communicate lovingly doesn't depend on whether things are going well or not.” (13:43-14:23 | Alejandra) 
• “The greatest secret to maintaining a loving and thriving long term relationship is to commit to communicating lovingly every single day, regardless of whether things are easy or hard.” (15:51-16:05 | Alejandra) 
Links
To schedule a 75-minute reduced rate consultation with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com
To join the mailing list, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com
To ask questions you'd like Alejandra to answer in the podcast, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow:
open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
 
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

81. Communicating Love to Yourself

“To be able to appreciate others and give positive feedback, to have the ability to forgive others for their mistakes and their limitations, to be able to hold space for others and listen to others, we need to be able to communicate lovingly. And it's extremely hard to do this with others if we don't do it with ourselves,” shares host Alejandra. In order to extend love and compassion to others, it's important to be able to give love and compassion to yourself. Today, Alejandra discusses how to transform your self talk and treat yourself in a more loving way.
When you talk to yourself, are you often critical? If you frequently speak to yourself in an unloving way, you may struggle with being gentle and compassionate when speaking to others. You may even judge others more harshly based on the criteria you use to judge yourself. By learning to be kinder with yourself, you can then extend that kindness to others.
We can often be our own worst critic. With Valentine’s Day approaching, instead of thinking only about how to express love to others, consider first expressing love inwardly. The more compassionate you are with yourself, the more understanding and loving you can be with others. 
Quotes
• “The Dalai Lama looked down in silence and started to weep. He couldn't understand why we would communicate with ourselves in these harsh ways and inflict so much suffering on ourselves. After wiping his tears off his face, the Dalai Lama said to the woman that his advice for everyone who had this experience was to learn to extend love and compassion to oneself. He said, extending love and compassion to yourself is the way to be able to give true love and compassion to another.” (6:04-6:43  | Alejandra) 
• “If you discover that you are treating yourself in an unloving way, you can learn to change this.” (8:37-8:44 | Alejandra)
• “To be able to appreciate others and give positive feedback, to have the ability to forgive others for their mistakes and their limitations, to be able to hold space for others and listen to others, we need to be able to communicate lovingly. And it's extremely hard to do this with others if we don't do it with ourselves.” (11:58-12:20 | Alejandra)
• “As you consider how to express love for others as Valentine's Day approaches, I encourage you to consider first how you can turn that expression of love towards yourself.” (12:21-12:33 | Alejandra) 
Links
To schedule a 60-minute reduced rate consultation with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com
To join the mailing list, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com
To ask questions you'd like Alejandra to answer in the podcast, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm