The Language Alchemy Podcast

128. Mindful Endings And Intentional Beginnings: Starting The New Year With Clarity

As one year ends and another begins, it's a significant time for reflection and planning. In this final episode of 2023, Alejandra introduces a three-part approach to transition – acknowledgement, desire, and commitment – guiding listeners through an intentional process of self-reflection and goal setting.
The Acknowledgement phase focuses on introspection about the past year. Alejandra encourages listeners to reflect on their experiences, learn from them, and identify areas for growth. This phase is not just about looking back, but understanding how past experiences can shape future actions. In the Desire phase, Alejandra prompts listeners to think about what they want for themselves in the upcoming year. This involves envisioning future goals and using affirmative language to articulate these ambitions. The aim is to create clear and positive intentions for the future. The Commitment phase is about turning these intentions into practical steps. Alejandra emphasizes the need for actionable plans and personal accountability to achieve these goals.
 
This episode will be valuable for listeners who wish to thoughtfully close one year and begin another with clear intentions and a plan for achieving them.  Alejandra invites listeners to begin the year with her in a very special 2-hour event on January 1, 2024.  In this live, online workshop called Enjoying Thriving Relationships, she will be guiding participants through a process to reflect on their 2023 communication and relationships, connect to their skills and capacities, and make the necessary adjustments to approach 2024 from a place of inner knowing, self-love, and capability.
 
Quotes:
• “If you don't take the time to reflect on the cycle that's ending, you are likely to forget the lessons you learned, the skills and capacities you developed. And you are also likely to neglect to give attention to the reparations and corrections that are important for you to make.” (3:51 | Alejandra Siroka)
• “Life has a way of bringing us more opportunities to learn certain lessons until we learn them.” (4:25 | Alejandra Siroka) 
• “When you are connecting to what you need to communicate and how you want to show up, you are using the language of desire. When you truly engage in the language of desire, you feel inspired.” (9:51 | Alejandra Siroka) 
• “I have never seen a magic wand that will make what you want appear in front of you out of thin air, especially when you connect to your deep longings. So you need to break them down into all the steps you need to make so that these longings do come true.” (12:05 | Alejandra Siroka) 
 
Links
To sign up for 2-hr online workshop Enjoy Thriving Relationships in 2024, visit: languagealchemy.com/thrivingrelationships
To apply for January Group Coaching, visit: languagealchemy.com/groupcoaching
To work with Alejandra, visit: www.languagealchemy.com/workwithme
To join the Language Alchemy mailing list, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com
To ask questions you'd like Alejandra to answer in the podcast, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To find out about 1:1 transformative communication coaching with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/oneonone
To find out about couple transformative communication coaching with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/couples
To schedule a reduced-rate coaching consultation with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/newclient
To follow Alejandra on instagram follow @languagealchemy
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqD
 
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm
 

127. Fan Favorites - The Most Engaging Episodes of 2023

What can happen when you create new intentions for your communication? You can bring forth peace, harmony, compassion, equality, and equity in your life and relationships! 
 
Get out a pencil or open up your notes app now because host Alejandra Siroka shares the best episodes of 2023, providing a wealth of communication resources to help you become a mature, capable, and loving adult. This episode gives you the road map of our listener’s most loved content that can support your individual communication goals in 2024.
 
Why should you listen? Because these episodes have helped countless individuals navigate their communication challenges and create meaningful connections. What will you learn? You'll discover how to understand and transform your internal dialogue, communicate effectively with your romantic partner, engage in courageous conversations about social topics, transform your life through conscious communication, and navigate conflicts with authenticity and compassion.
 
If you're interested in working with Alejandra, you can jump start your year with a 2-hour online workshop on January 1 called "Enjoy Thriving Relationships in 2024", by signing up at languagealchemy.com/thrivingrelationships. Another option is to join her new group coaching program, also starting in January, by applying at languagealchemy.com/groupcoaching. If you prefer individual coaching to address your specific communication goals, you can learn more about that format and more information at www.languagealchemy.com.
 
Quotes:
• “Conscious communication is an inside job. If you want to have thriving relationships, meaningful interactions, and a fulfilling life, you have to be aware of how you are talking to yourself.” (4:00 | Alejandra Siroka)
• “When our communication with our partner is not meaningful or when we're not connecting, every aspect of our lives gets impacted.” (7:40 | Alejandra Siroka)
• “Let's acknowledge that 2023 was a challenging year for our precious and diverse human family. All over the world, people are hurting. There are so many conversations we need to learn to have about relevant social issues without fighting and without increasing divisiveness.” (9:39 | Alejandra Siroka)
• “When there's so much pain going on in the world, we need to be able to show up as a mature, capable, and loving adult.” (11:17 | Alejandra Siroka)
• “If we want to have a more peaceful and authentic life. relationships and world, then we all need to learn to navigate conflict skillfully.” (13:03 | Alejandra Siroka)
• “Thank you to all of you for listening and for implementing these tools in your communication. Thank you for bringing forth more peace, more clarity, more compassion, more love, more equity into your lives, into your relationships, into your communities, and into our precious and diverse human family.” (16:14 | Alejandra Siroka)
 
Links
To sign up for 2-hr online workshop Enjoy Thriving Relationships in 2024, visit: languagealchemy.com/thrivingrelationships
To apply for January Group Coaching, visit: languagealchemy.com/groupcoaching
To work with Alejandra, visit: www.languagealchemy.com/workwithme
To join the Language Alchemy mailing list, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com
To ask questions you'd like Alejandra to answer in the podcast, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To find out about 1:1 transformative communication coaching with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/oneonone
To find out about couple transformative communication coaching with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/couples
To schedule a reduced-rate coaching consultation with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/newclient
To follow Alejandra on instagram follow @languagealchemy
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqD
 
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

126. Is Communication Coaching For Me?

Satisfaction in life often hinges on the quality of our relationships, which in turn, is deeply rooted in how we communicate. In this episode of the Language Alchemy Podcast, host Alejandra Siroka introduces her unique approach to communication coaching, designed to enhance your interactions and deepen your connections with others.
 
Alejandra categorizes the need for personalized communication coaching into four distinct areas. The first is for those who are dissatisfied with their relationships despite efforts like reading self-help books or attending workshops. They yearn for deeper connections but find themselves in a loop of unsatisfactory interactions. For the second group, the struggle lies in effectively communicating personal needs. Often saying yes when they mean no, these individuals grapple with superficial relationships due to their inability to be authentic, open, or vulnerable. The third group Alejandra discusses comprises people whose outdated communication patterns don't match their current maturity level, leading to frustrating and ineffective interactions. Lastly, the fourth group includes those who have been told they lack clarity or empathy in their communication, affecting their self-esteem and relationships.
 
Emphasizing the urgency of addressing these communication barriers, Alejandra offers a compassionate and safe transformative coaching environment for growth. She shares client testimonials, highlighting the positive changes experienced through her coaching. She also extends an invitation to her upcoming communication coaching programs, including individual, couples, and group coaching, as well as a workshop on setting effective intentions in 2024. Listeners seeking to improve their communication skills and transform their relationships are encouraged to join!
 
Quotes:
• “I don't teach formulaic communication. I teach people to communicate authentically, to be themselves.” (3:37 | Alejandra Siroka)
• “You want something different for your life. You are tired of same, same, same. You would like to feel closer to people. You would like to have enjoyable, long lasting relationships. You would like to have a close circle of friends that you can count on. And you want to feel understood, respected, and loved. If this is you, this is a fantastic time to work on your communication and have a customized communication coaching program so that you can find out the unhelpful communication patterns you are unaware of and that you keep repeating.” (5:47 | Alejandra Siroka) 
• “I can assure you that the people in your life who want to, or who are ready to know you and love you for all that you are, are waiting for you to give them the real you.” (9:14 | Alejandra Siroka)
• “I shared with you four categories of reasons why it would be important that you have a customized communication coaching program. The first reason is that you are not having the kind of life and relationships you want to have. and you would like enjoyable long lasting relationships. The second is that you are aware that you don't know how to communicate something of value to you and be authentic with others and you would like to learn how. The third reason is that you still communicate like you used to when you were young and you're tired of this because you want to accomplish the beautiful vision you have for your life and relationships. And the fourth reason is that you got feedback that you don't communicate with clarity, confidence, or compassion. And deep inside, you know it's true.” (20:17 | Alejandra Siroka) 
 
Links
To sign up for the 2-hour online workshop on January 1st, visit: www.LanguageAlchemy.com/thrivingrelationships
To apply for the upcoming Transformative Communication Group Coaching, visit: www.LanguageAlchemy.com/groupcoaching
To work with Alejandra, visit: www.languagealchemy.com/workwithme
To join the Language Alchemy mailing list, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com
To ask questions you'd like Alejandra to answer in the podcast, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To find out about 1:1 transformative communication coaching with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/oneonone
To find out about couple transformative communication coaching with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/couples
To schedule a reduced-rate coaching consultation with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/newclient
To follow Alejandra on instagram follow @languagealchemy
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqD
 
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

125. Talking about Food Choices During the Holidays Without Judgment

Struggling with dietary choices and communication during the holiday season? In this insightful episode of the Language Alchemy Podcast, host Alejandra Siroka is joined by Thais Harris, a board-certified holistic nutritionist, for a deep dive into managing food choices and conversations about diet in festive gatherings. Thais emphasizes self-love and understanding personal dietary needs, advocating for starting the day with a protein-rich meal and staying well-hydrated. She also shares a valuable breath technique before social events to remain grounded and focused on personal health goals.
 
As the discussion unfolds, Thais offers advice on setting boundaries and skillfully communicating dietary changes to family members. She stresses the importance of being clear about one's health commitments, seeking support, and explaining the reasons behind dietary choices to encourage understanding from loved ones. Each family dynamic is unique, and Thais notes the importance of tailoring the conversation to individual relationships.
 
The conversation then explores holistic nutrition and its comprehensive approach that interconnects body, mind, and spirit. Thais speaks about optimizing the body's innate healing abilities and addressing the root causes of health issues. She highlights the significance of gratitude and mindfulness in our relationship with food, acknowledging the deep cultural and emotional connections we share through culinary traditions.
 
Addressing the challenges hosts face, Thais provides practical suggestions for accommodating diverse dietary needs, advocating for clear communication about menu items and inviting guests to contribute dishes that meet their preferences, fostering an inclusive environment.
 
Thais shares three mindset shifts to nurture self-love and better health, accessible through her free guide. She also offers six tips for enjoying the holidays in a balanced and healthy manner. This episode, rich in practical advice and heartfelt insights, emphasizes the importance of self-care, clear communication, and empathy in navigating the culinary aspects of holiday celebrations.
 
Quotes:
• "Thais cultivates self-love as the guiding principle in making dietary and lifestyle changes to rediscover radiant health, transforming the relationship with our body, mind, and food."  (02:27 | Alejandra Siroka)
• "Something that you'll need to do pretty soon, if you haven't already, is to be able to talk about food. Why? Because this is the time of year when we get together with family, with friends, with co-workers to celebrate the end-of-year festivities. And in these gatherings, food plays an important role. (1:41 | Alejandra Siroka)
• “I help women love themselves into their ideal body. It is not a thin body. It is not a tall body. There's no common trait that any one person is going to have with another. What personally for them is ideal is that body that can hold them where they can do all the things they love and really be present in their lives.” (19:42 | Thais Harris)
• “When we can spend most of our time really investing in good quality food and cooking for ourselves and our loved ones, trusting there will be 20% of the time that maybe we go to a friend's house and there may be some ingredients or oils and something they prepared that we wouldn't necessarily choose, but that we can literally look at that meal and think, this will nourish me. Because at that moment, it is about the social connection. It is about all of the other things that make up, you know, a healthy, happy life. And that is because we are supporting our body so strongly, the other 80% of the time, trusting that we'll be able to digest and process whatever's coming our way. (25:58 | Thais Harris) 
• “When we're hosting, it can be really hard to try and accommodate everyone, so I think to be very clear about here's what I'm making, this is why this is important, but I invite you to bring something that will nourish you if you don't eat any of these ingredients or some of these ingredients. (32:38 | Thais Harris)
"What a beautiful idea to invite people to bring and to say, this is what I'm going to cook. And if there's anything else you eat, please bring it. It's welcome here.” (34:17 | Alejandra Siroka) 
 
 
Links
Connect with Thais Harris:
To visit Thais' website, go to: www.nourishtogether.com
Guide: 3 Mindset Shifts to Love Yourself Into Better Health: www.self-love.nourishtogether.com
Thais' Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nourish.together
Thais' Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/NourishTogether/
 
To work with Alejandra, visit: www.languagealchemy.com/workwithme
To join the Language Alchemy mailing list, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com
To ask questions you'd like Alejandra to answer in the podcast, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To find out about 1:1 transformative communication coaching with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/oneonone
To find out about couple transformative communication coaching with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/couples
To schedule a reduced-rate coaching consultation with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/newclient
To follow Alejandra on instagram follow @languagealchemy
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqD
 
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

124. Two Words That Escalate Conflict

Have you ever found yourself in a conflict that quickly escalated, leaving you wondering what went wrong? In this episode of the Language Alchemy Podcast, host Alejandra Siroka delves into how our language choices can unintentionally fuel conflicts, and how staying present in the moment can shift these dynamics.
 
Alejandra starts by exploring the crucial role language plays in either igniting or diffusing tense situations. She stresses the importance of cultivating a mindful approach to communication, steering clear of rigid rules or formulas. According to Alejandra, conflict is a natural part of human interaction, but its escalation isn't inevitable; it can be navigated effectively with conscious communication.
 
A key focus of the episode is the concept of staying present during conflicts. Alejandra advises listeners to concentrate on the specific issue at hand, rather than dredging up past issues or making sweeping generalizations. She shares a relatable scenario involving a disagreement with a family member over differing political views, illustrating how sticking to the topic can prevent unnecessary escalation.
 
Alejandra then zooms in on two words that often exacerbate conflicts: "always" and "never." She explains that these absolute terms are not just abstract but can distort reality, widening the gap between parties in a conflict. Instead, she encourages listeners to use language that accurately reflects the immediate situation, helping to maintain a grounded and realistic perspective.
 
This episode is a call to embrace the present moment in our interactions, using language as a tool for peace and understanding, rather than conflict and division.
 
Quotes:
• “When you learn to stay in the present moment, conflict doesn't escalate and become a fight.” (5:21 | Alejandra Siroka) 
• “When you are in a conflict and you leave the present moment, when you leave the now and things escalate, You usually use one of two words that are general, abstract, and that are usually jabs or weapons. These two words are always and never.” (9:06 | Alejandra Siroka) 
• "Can you see how when you use one or both of these two words, the scope of the conflict expands to other times in the past?" (10:54 | Alejandra Siroka)
 
Links
To listen to episode 67, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcasts/language-alchemy-podcast/episodes/2147810711
To work with Alejandra, visit: www.languagealchemy.com/workwithme
To join the Language Alchemy mailing list, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com
To ask questions you'd like Alejandra to answer in the podcast, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To find out about 1:1 transformative communication coaching with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/oneonone
To find out about couple transformative communication coaching with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/couples
To schedule a reduced-rate coaching consultation with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/newclient
To follow Alejandra on instagram follow @languagealchemy
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqD
 
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

123. 3 Communication “Watch Outs” for Happier Holiday Gatherings

If you feel stress about upcoming family gatherings due to past communication breakdowns, you are not alone.  In her role as a transformative communication teacher and coach, Alejandra Siroka knows this story all too well, having supported countless clients who share these apprehensions.  In this episode, Alejandra provides 3 strategies to stop escalating conflict so you can approach the holidays with love, understanding, and effective communication.
 
Central to her approach is the concept of prioritizing understanding others over being understood ourselves. It is a generous approach and it takes intention, but adopting this mindset creates empathy, allowing disagreements to transform into moments of connection and insight.
 
Highlighting the risks of triangulation, Alejandra advocates for the respect and clarity that comes with direct communication. Addressing concerns or misunderstandings directly with the involved parties prevents others from being pulled into potentially painful scenarios and minimizes the chances of conflicts escalating or becoming amplified.
 
Additionally, Alejandra stresses the importance of not immediately adopting a defensive stance when faced with criticism. Seeking clarity, rather than making snap judgments, can be the difference between a minor disagreement and a major fallout.
 
This information is not just timely, it’s essential as we enter emotionally-charged holiday interactions. Put these strategies to work to ensure the holidays become opportunities for deeper connection rather than sources of division.
 
Quotes:
• "Conflicts show us with great clarity how we are communicating, whether we're responding or reacting; whether we are redirecting the energy of our triggers, or having unhealthy power dynamics; whether we're treating ourselves and others with equality, respect, and equity, or whether we want to be right, make the other wrong, and have our opinions, our feelings, our experiences be more valuable than others’.” (3:41 | Alejandra Siroka)
• “When your priority is to be understood, but you are not willing to understand the other, the interaction takes a turn and goes into a who's right, who's wrong contest.” (7:24 | Alejandra Siroka) 
• “When you choose triangulation instead of direct communication, conflicts get magnified.” (10:08 | Alejandra Siroka)
• “The third thing that intensifies conflicts unnecessarily and escalates them is when you take something personally that was not personal, and then you react defensively.” (10:22 | Alejandra Siroka)
 
Links
To work with Alejandra, visit: www.languagealchemy.com/workwithme
To join the Language Alchemy mailing list, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com
To ask questions you'd like Alejandra to answer in the podcast, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To find out about 1:1 transformative communication coaching with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/oneonone
To find out about couple transformative communication coaching with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/couples
To schedule a reduced-rate coaching consultation with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/newclient
To follow Alejandra on instagram follow @languagealchemy
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqD
 
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

122. Why Don’t You Understand Me?

Feeling understood, heard, and respected is a universal human desire, and it's easy to be frustrated and upset with others when you aren't getting what you need. But what if the solution lies in how we express ourselves and not just in how others respond? In this episode, Alejandra reveals that much of our communication breakdown comes not from what we say, but what we leave unsaid: those emotions we tuck away, boundaries we assume rather than state, and needs we hope others will intuitively understand. 
 
Alejandra equips listeners with practical tools for effective communication. She sheds light on how to express feelings without casting blame, how to set boundaries without sparking confrontation, and how to articulate needs in a way that promotes collaboration instead of resistance. She further underscores the importance of listening with presence and champions a blend of clarity, directness, and empathy in our interactions. 
 
The episode encourages listeners to practice noticing when they don't feel heard, understood, or respected. By being aware of these moments, individuals can begin to identify any unexpressed needs, boundaries, feelings, or mistakes that they may have avoided communicating due to vulnerability. By working on improving their communication skills and expressing themselves more clearly and explicitly, listeners can transform their relationships and experiences, ultimately leading to more fulfilling connections.
 
Quotes:
• “When we look at understanding how it is that my clients feel unheard, misunderstood, and disrespected, what we often discover is that underneath these feelings, there's a pattern of communication that doesn't have to do with the other person, their family members, the people they're dating, or their co-workers. What we usually find is that it is my clients' and students' communication patterns that generate the experience of not being understood, heard, or respected.” (3:08 | Alejandra Siroka)
• “I have seen huge conflicts start, grow, and escalate to unnecessarily painful proportions because someone didn't communicate clearly, directly, or explicitly at a time when clarity, directness, and explicitness were needed.” (11:45 | Alejandra Siroka) 
• “Most people think it is the other person who doesn't understand them, who doesn't listen well, or who doesn't respect them. But in many occasions, it has less to do with the other and more to do with us and what we are not communicating.” (15:29 | Alejandra Siroka) 
 
Links
To work with Alejandra, visit: www.languagealchemy.com/workwithme
To join the Language Alchemy mailing list, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com
To ask questions you'd like Alejandra to answer in the podcast, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To find out about 1:1 transformative communication coaching with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/oneonone
To find out about couple transformative communication coaching with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/couples
To schedule a reduced-rate coaching consultation with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/newclient
To follow Alejandra on instagram follow @languagealchemy
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqD
 
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

121. Stuck in the Middle? How To Respond When Friends Fight

Have you ever found yourself caught in the crossfire of someone else's conflict, unsure whether to jump in or step back? In this episode, we dive into the art of remaining neutral and promoting peace when conflicts arise around us in our homes, workplaces, and broader communities. Part of this responsibility is recognizing which conflicts to conscientiously engage with and which ones to skillfully avoid, especially those riddled with negativity, gossip, or counterproductive criticism.
 
Guiding listeners through this complex terrain, Alejandra shares essential guidelines. It's crucial, first and foremost, to listen with presence when someone confides in you. This means truly immersing oneself in the storyteller's share, understanding and empathizing with their feelings and values associated with the situation. Additionally, it's beneficial to probe a bit deeper, grasping their motivations and aspirations in the conflict, which ensures any support offered is perfectly aligned with their needs. However, if there's a strong bond of trust and mutual understanding, Alejandra suggests it might be appropriate to offer to role-play, but always prioritizing the comfort and emotional well-being of the individual who is sharing.
 
Conversely, it's equally important to know what to mindfully avoid. Passing negative judgments or remarks about others involved in the conflict can be tempting but is rarely helpful; it tends to breed more negativity. Moreover, approaching each conflict with a fresh, unbiased perspective is key, avoiding broad-brush statements or assumptions. Finally, it's vital to respect personal boundaries, only extending guidance, advice, or opinions when explicitly asked for, always valuing the autonomy of the individual navigating their conflict.
 
By internalizing these principles, listeners can consciously choose paths that lead to harmony over discord. The episode is a gentle reminder of the weight our words and actions carry. Our choices determine whether they fan the flames or soothe ruffled feathers.
 
Quotes:
• "We need to do all we can to contribute to peace at home, at work, in our families, and in our communities." (01:14 | Alejandra Siroka)
• "We need to be very mindful of the kinds of conflicts we are participating in and do all we can to stay away from unnecessary conflicts that involve fighting, gossiping, and toxic negative criticism." (01:25 | Alejandra Siroka) 
• “If you take the letters of the word listen, L-I-S-T-E-N, and you rearrange them, you know what word you're going to get? You are going to get the word silent. So be silent and listen. Something you can do is pretend that your coworker or your friend is holding a mic when they're talking to you and you are letting them have that mic. And if at any point you'd like to say something, just limit yourself to reflecting what you've heard from them.” (10:36 | Alejandra Siroka) 
• “The three don'ts are: Don't stoke the fire by talking badly about the other. Don't add ammunition by saying this dynamic is well known and it always happens. And don't give unsolicited advice or opinions” (14:50 | Alejandra Siroka)
• “The three do’s are: Listen and reflect on the experience the person telling you about the conflict has. Ask questions about their intention and offer to role play with you as if they were talking to the person they're having the conflict with.” (15:06 | Alejandra Siroka)
 
Links
Language Alchemy Podcast episode 105, visit:https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcasts/language-alchemy-podcast/episodes/2148007297
To work with Alejandra, visit: www.languagealchemy.com/workwithme
To join the Language Alchemy mailing list, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com
To ask questions you'd like Alejandra to answer in the podcast, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To find out about 1:1 transformative communication coaching with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/oneonone
To find out about couple transformative communication coaching with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/couples
To schedule a reduced-rate coaching consultation with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/newclient
To follow Alejandra on instagram follow @languagealchemy
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqD
 
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

120. Why We Fight: The Role of Our Internal Dialogue in Conflict

Are you tired of getting caught up in conflicts and struggling to communicate without reactivity? In this episode, Alejandra Siroka delves into the relationship between our internal dialogue and its effects during conflicts. She introduces listeners to the concept of non-duality and the dangers of dehumanizing language.
 
What is non-duality? In simple terms, it means that we are interconnected and not separate from each other. You feel a confluence of emotions, a sense of harmony, and a deep understanding of our shared humanity. The beautiful state of non-duality is easily disrupted when conflicts arise.
 
At these moments, we often react by creating a self-other split in our minds. This split involves using language that separates oneself from the other person, positioning them as opposites. For example, if a partner drives too fast for your comfort level, the self-other split may lead one to label yourself as cautious and safe, and your partner as called dangerous and careless. This oppositional stance creates an enemy image of the other person, leading to further conflict.
 
One of the most significant dangers of the self-other split is the use of dehumanizing language such as unkind labels when describing the other person in your internal dialogue. This dehumanization not only harms the other person but also conflicts with our inherent values of compassion and empathy. 
 
Recognizing the impact of this language and connecting with one's relational values, enables us to choose to communicate with kindness, maturity, and confidence, even during conflicts. Alejandra encourages listeners to reflect on their own internal dialogue and seek support if needed to develop these communication skills. By understanding the self-other split and the dangers of dehumanizing language, you can take steps towards resolving conflicts with compassion and empathy. Through conscious communication, even conflicts can be transformed into opportunities for growth, understanding, and connection.
 
Quotes:
• "When you have an enemy image of the other person, one of the most common things that happens is that you use dehumanizing language in your mind to describe that other person." (09:43 | Alejandra Siroka) 
• "When you use dehumanizing language to talk about another human being who, like you, has capacities and limitations, beautiful qualities and shortcomings, you treat that person in ways that are in complete conflict with your own values." (11:18 | Alejandra Siroka) 
• "When you allow yourself to use dehumanizing language, you give yourself a pass to be unkind, hurtful and harmful.”
• “If you are having lots of conflicts, if you now know that you do have the habit of using dehumanizing language, of creating an enemy image in your mind, having that oppositional stance, and having a language that makes you good and the other bad, the self-other split, then get support to work on this.” (18:22 | Alejandra Siroka)
Links
Language Alchemy Podcast episode #90: A Must-Have Communication Tool to Transform Your Life and Relationships, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcasts/language-alchemy-podcast/episodes/2147912256
To work with Alejandra, visit: www.languagealchemy.com/workwithme
To join the Language Alchemy mailing list, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com
To ask questions you'd like Alejandra to answer in the podcast, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To find out about 1:1 transformative communication coaching with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/oneonone
To find out about couple transformative communication coaching with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/couples
To schedule a reduced-rate coaching consultation with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/newclient
To follow Alejandra on instagram follow @languagealchemy
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqD
 
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

119. What to Say When You Don’t Know What to Say: Real Examples

Are you struggling with knowing what to say or do when you know someone is in pain? With recent events in the Middle East as a backdrop, Alejandra Siroka shares her 5-step approach to navigating these conversations, as well as real life examples of the things you can say or do to show up with good intentions, respect, and compassion.  
 
At the start, it is so important to acknowledge the pain and suffering of others. Alejandra emphasizes the power of empathic acknowledgement, using both words and tone of voice to convey understanding and compassion. She offers suggestions for how to approach these conversations, whether you are initiating them or responding to someone in need. Alejandra highlights the significance of checking in with yourself as you navigate these conversations so that you can ensure that your words and actions are supportive and helpful. She also offers guidance on how to respond when triggered or unsure of what to say in the conversation.  If you are looking for real examples of, Alejandra provides many sample phrases that you can use or and make your own.
 
Our human family needs each of us to show up for one another as loving, caring and compassionate connections.  This episode provides real resources to help you do just that.
 
Quotes:
• "When things are painful, it is so important that we reach out to those we believe are suffering." (0:00 | Alejandra Siroka)
• “We cannot decrease the pain, we cannot offer comfort if we don't acknowledge that something is happening." (8:41 | Alejandra Siroka)
• “The way you acknowledge what's happening is very important. And you do that with your words and also with your tone of voice. We need to use a confident and compassionate tone of voice when we enter into this space, a space of what I'd like to call empathic acknowledgement.” (9:49 | Alejandra Siroka)
• “If someone's telling you about how hard this is for them, I'd like you to know that you have infinite options as to how to respond. But before you can respond, you need to know what kind of space you are in. It's kind of like an inner acknowledgement of where you are in this moment. If you don't know what kind of space you're in, what you say or what you do next may be useless, unskillful, and it may create disconnection.” (15:51 | Alejandra Siroka) 
• "If you've reached out to someone that you believe is having a hard time and that person is not responding, then you can reach out to them again and simply let them know that they are on your mind, that they are in your heart." (20:26 | Alejandra Siroka)
Links
To work with Alejandra, visit: www.languagealchemy.com/workwithme
To join the Language Alchemy mailing list, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com
To listen to the Language Alchemy Podcast episode 109: Empathy vs. Sympathy, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcasts/language-alchemy-podcast/episodes/2148071027
To listen to the Language Alchemy Podcast episode 110: 5 Strategies for Skillful Empathic Communication, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcasts/language-alchemy-podcast/episodes/2148087420
To ask questions you'd like Alejandra to answer in the podcast, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To find out about 1:1 transformative communication coaching with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/oneonone
To find out about couple transformative communication coaching with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/couples
To schedule a reduced-rate coaching consultation with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/newclient
To follow Alejandra on instagram follow @languagealchemy
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqD
 
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm