The Language Alchemy Podcast

146. Supporting Love and Identity in LGBTQ Relationships Through Conscious Communication

“I’m very proud to work with LGBTQ folks and help them find their authentic expression,” says host Alejandra Siroka. In this special episode, Alejandra welcomes returning guests Shannon and Britt, both members of the LGBTQ community, to share their journey of personal growth and evolving communication as a couple.
 
Shannon and Britt recount their unique love story, highlighting the evolution of their identities and relationship dynamics. Britt, who transitioned from identifying as a lesbian to a trans man, and Shannon, a non-binary, pansexual person, discuss how they navigated these changes, including Britt’s gender transition and Shannon’s recovery from addiction.
 
Alejandra emphasizes the power of language in affirming identities. Shannon and Britt reflect on the importance of conscious communication in their relationship, addressing challenges such as toxic masculinity and family acceptance. Their story illustrates how intentional communication and mutual support can foster a deeper, more authentic connection.
 
This episode is a testament to the resilience and adaptability required to maintain a loving relationship amid personal transformation and societal challenges.
 
Quotes
“I’m really happy to see that as we are constantly evolving as a society and a human family, our language is evolving. Our language is becoming more open, more flexible.” (12:36 | Alejandra Siroka)
“Thinking about all the ways in which we use binary gendered language and getting creative is an opportunity to expand our consciousness around our communication.” (27:50 | Shannon Bolt) 
“As we evolve, our language needs to evolve. As we expand, our language needs to expand. As we become more conscious, our language needs to follow suit. As we mature, our language needs to mature with us as well.” (28:52 | Alejandra Siroka) 
“Toxic masculinity is a thing and toxic masculinity reacts to men and masculine-type people in different ways than it reacts to women and feminine-type people. There is a certain way that particularly men can respond more aggressively. We’ve seen how Brit has had to adjust his responses to that kind of ‘chest puffing up,’ if you will, because men see him as a man and their willingness to escalate into violence is sometimes just simmering beneath the surface.” (30:51 | Shannon Bolt) 
 
Links
To work with Alejandra, visit: www.languagealchemy.com/workwithme
To join the Language Alchemy mailing list, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com
To ask questions you'd like Alejandra to answer in the podcast, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To find out about 1:1 transformative communication coaching with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/oneonone
To find out about couple transformative communication coaching with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/couples
To schedule a reduced-rate coaching consultation with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/newclient
To follow Alejandra on instagram follow @languagealchemy
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqD
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

145. Benefits of Relational Versus Transactional Communication

Are your interactions building genuine connections or just checking off boxes? In this episode, Alejandra Siroka delves into the difference between transactional and relational communication, questioning the common belief that communication is solely about achieving personal goals. 
 
Alejandra highlights that transactional communication is often mistaken for clear communication. When we  only focus on the goal of getting what one wants, this leads to transactional exchanges driven by safety and control. She contrasts this type of communication with relational communication, which prioritizes empathy, trust, and collaboration, fostering deeper connections and authentic self-expression. Alejandra shares key insights to help listeners distinguish between these two styles, noting that relational communication delves into intentions and emotions, while transactional communication is goal-oriented and can be superficial.
 
Listeners are encouraged to reflect on their own communication styles and consider embracing relational communication to cultivate more meaningful relationships.
 
Quotes
“Communication is the foundation for meaningful relationships.” (02:19 | Alejandra Siroka)
“The quality of your life depends on the quality of your relationships, and the quality of your relationships depend on the quality of your communication. Communication is relational.” (02:25 | Alejandra Siroka) 
“If you communicate with others to experience a meaningful relationship, then when you talk to your teenager, you consider your intention rather than your agenda. And so you reflect before you speak. Why does it bother you so much that your teenager is checking their phone the whole time you’re having dinner together? That’s when you realize that what’s bothering you is not the act itself. It’s the fact that you want to feel the connection with this being who’s growing, oh, so fast… The focus here is on the value of connection and the whole communication revolves around the kind of relationship we want.” (09:44 - 11:37 | Alejandra Siroka)
 
Links
To work with Alejandra, visit: www.languagealchemy.com/workwithme
To join the Language Alchemy mailing list, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com
To ask questions you'd like Alejandra to answer in the podcast, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To find out about 1:1 transformative communication coaching with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/oneonone
To find out about couple transformative communication coaching with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/couples
To schedule a reduced-rate coaching consultation with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/newclient
To follow Alejandra on instagram follow @languagealchemy
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqD
 
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

144. How Communication Shapes Our Mental Health

Mental well-being is a state that enables us to handle stress, recognize our abilities, and contribute to our communities. In this episode, Alejandra Siroka explores the important relationship between language and our well being.
 
Unhealthy communication habits such as gaslighting, abusive and dehumanizing language in our interactions can lead to mental health struggles like low-self esteem, depression and anxiety. For a deeper dive into these topics, check out episodes #34 on gaslighting and #120 on dehumanizing language in relationships. 
 
Conversely, empathetic, kind, and supportive communication can promote mental well-being, maintaining healthy relationships and self-perception.
 
To contribute to our own mental well-being and that of those around us, here are five suggestions from Alejandra:
Discuss mental health issues openly and respectfully.
Be aware of your internal dialogue. For communication tools to bring awareness to your internal dialogue, listen to episodes #112 through #117 and episode #120.
Learn to use neutral, empathic, and kind language.
Work with your biases and bring awareness to the messages you inherited and still perpetuate.
Learn to talk about your needs and seek collaboration and support from others when you need it. For more on skillfully communicating needs, listen to episodes #138 through #142.
 
Find all these episodes at www.languagealchemy.com or on your favorite podcast platform.
 
Quotes
“When you think about what it is that we have available with us to make decisions, to build relationships and to shape the world we live in, that’s when you can clearly see that it is our language and how we use our language to communicate that allow us to do all these things. When our mental health is affected, we have trouble functioning in life. So it’s harder for us to make decisions, to develop and maintain satisfying relationships, and to shape our lives in alignment with our vision or our values.” (03:07 | Alejandra Siroka) 
“Communication plays a huge role in our mental health and well-being.” (03:48 | Alejandra Siroka) 
“Communication has a huge role in mental health as well as in mental illness. The language we use to communicate is so powerful that it can create mental illness, it can maintain mental health, and it can also contribute to bringing healing to our mental condition.” (08:26 | Alejandra Siroka)  
 
Links
To work with Alejandra, visit: www.languagealchemy.com/workwithme
To join the Language Alchemy mailing list, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com
To ask questions you'd like Alejandra to answer in the podcast, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To find out about 1:1 transformative communication coaching with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/oneonone
To find out about couple transformative communication coaching with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/couples
To schedule a reduced-rate coaching consultation with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/newclient
To follow Alejandra on instagram follow @languagealchemy
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqD
 
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

143. How Greetings Impact your Personal and Professional Relationships

When you're providing a service, leading a group, or meeting someone in a professional setting, your words, tone of voice, and body language during your initial greeting can establish a foundation for a professional relationship built on confidence, collaboration, and trust. Similarly, the way you greet your loved ones can create positive and memorable experiences, strengthening the bonds with those closest to you. In this episode, Alejandra Siroka explores the importance of greetings and their impact on both personal and professional relationships. 
 
Alejandra shares the story of her first meeting with her beloved Matthew's family to illustrate how a heartfelt greeting can build lasting relationships. She compares this personal experience with professional settings like healthcare and yoga, where the way people greet each other can influence impressions of competence and openness.
 
Alejandra provides practical advice on how to consciously choose greetings that cultivate inclusivity and connection. She encourages listeners to reflect on their own greeting habits and consider how small changes in language and demeanor could enhance interactions and relationships.
 
Quotes
• “How we greet someone can impact an interaction and even the whole relationship.” (02:31 | Alejandra Siroka) 
• “When you think about it, most relationships start with a greeting. Greetings can set us up for new, wonderful, and fruitful relationships. And of course, greetings can also create the space for hostility, distrust, and unsatisfactory relationships.” (03:05 | Alejandra Siroka)
• “Greetings in professional relationships make a huge impact in terms of building trust, confidence, and collaboration from the start.” (06:43 | Alejandra Siroka)
• “Something to remember: if you are someone who’s providing a service, leading a group, or meeting someone in a work or professional capacity, is that the words, your tone of voice, and body language with which you greet your client, your patient, your student, your class, your new coworker, can set you up for a professional relationship that inspires confidence, collaboration, and trust. Greetings can also set you up for positive and great experiences with the people closest to you, whether they’re your family or the people you live with.” (10:43 | Alejandra Siroka) 
• “Greetings, which can be just a few words, let others know how present you are with them, how you feel about them, and what kind of relationship you have with them.” (11:45 | Alejandra Siroka)
 
Links
To work with Alejandra, visit: www.languagealchemy.com/workwithme
To join the Language Alchemy mailing list, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com
To ask questions you'd like Alejandra to answer in the podcast, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To find out about 1:1 transformative communication coaching with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/oneonone
To find out about couple transformative communication coaching with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/couples
To schedule a reduced-rate coaching consultation with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/newclient
To follow Alejandra on instagram follow @languagealchemy
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqD
 
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

142. How to Empower Others to Communicate Their Needs

How do we support others when they struggle to communicate their needs? In this final episode of her five-part series “Communicating Needs Skillfully,” Alejandra Siroka focuses on empowering individuals to help others, including children and adults, express their needs clearly, directly, and confidently.
 
Alejandra emphasizes the importance of teaching children to connect with and communicate their needs. She points out that these skills are fundamental to building a child's sense of self-worth and value. For parents and caregivers, she suggests practical communication tools addressing children’s emotions to their needs and using story characters to normalize discussions about needs in everyday conversations.
 
Many adults, regardless of gender, face challenges in expressing their needs due to societal conditioning that often discourages direct communication. To help overcome these barriers, Alejandra outlines four helpful strategies: asking open-ended questions that encourage expression of needs, paying attention to body language and tone of voice, affirming the importance of their needs, and celebrating their successes in expressing needs.
 
By sharing transformative communication tools, Alejandra encourages listeners to have patience and persistence in supporting others as they learn to communicate their needs more openly.
 
Quotes
• “When you are in relationships with others who can't communicate their needs openly, freely, and directly to you, that may be because they've been discouraged to communicate their needs, or because they don't feel safe with you, or they don't know how to relax with you and they don't fully trust that you are going to listen to their needs. This impacts the quality of your relationships.” (01:56 | Alejandra Siroka)
• “If you have little ones, you need to be not only aware, but also intentional about teaching them to communicate their needs.” (03:47 | Alejandra Siroka)
• “When you teach children how to connect to and communicate their needs out loud, you are also teaching them that they're valuable and that they matter.” (06:58 | Alejandra Siroka)
• “A loving thing you can do consistently is to be explicit in telling them that their needs matter to you, that their needs are important.” (11:01 | Alejandra Siroka)
• “Be patient with others when they don't know how to communicate their needs directly, clearly, or confidently. And if you've had some success with someone and they were able to communicate a couple of needs to you, that doesn't mean that expressing their needs will be easy from now on. This takes time.” (13:00  | Alejandra Siroka) 
 
Links
To work with Alejandra, visit: www.languagealchemy.com/workwithme
To join the Language Alchemy mailing list, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com
To ask questions you'd like Alejandra to answer in the podcast, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To find out about 1:1 transformative communication coaching with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/oneonone
To find out about couple transformative communication coaching with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/couples
To schedule a reduced-rate coaching consultation with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/newclient
To follow Alejandra on instagram follow @languagealchemy
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqD
 
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

141. Direct Your Attention on These 4 Elements When Communicating Needs Skillfully

Are you finding it challenging to communicate your needs clearly without coming across as inconsiderate? Alejandra Siroka continues her series on "Communicating Needs Skillfully" and uncovers how to express needs in a way that they can be heard and honored by others.
 
Alejandra asserts that when communication stems from a sense of self-worth and a sincere desire for mutual understanding, it naturally takes on a warm and inviting tone—a tone that significantly impacts the listener's perception of the message and their openness to addressing the expressed needs. She shares four essential elements that need to be present when we communicate our needs skillfully:
 
Conscious Intentions - Our intentions shape our tone of voice and influence the message's reception.
Mindful Selection of Words - Alejandra advises against using language that blames, accuses, or manipulates. Instead, she gives a tip to assess how those words might be received by others.
Communicating Values - Expressing the values behind our needs can enhance the listener's willingness to hear and support our needs.
Expressing Needs without Attachment to Outcome - Alejandra emphasizes the importance of recognizing that others are not responsible for meeting our needs. She highlights the necessity of being creative when it comes to meeting our own needs.
 
If you understand the importance of communicating your needs but struggle to put it into practice, Alejandra can provide personalized assistance. She offers an invitation to join the Language Alchemy Group Coaching program starting this month. This three-month journey is designed to enhance your communication skills with tailored support. It's an ideal opportunity for those seeking personal growth and healthier relationships by addressing communication goals and challenges.
 
Quotes
• “If your intention is grounded in showing up as a human being who's worthy, not entitled, but worthy of collaboration and contribution, then your tone of voice will naturally be warm and inviting. It will communicate to the other person that your needs are something positive.” (00:00 | Alejandra Siroka) 
• "Intention is crucial because even though you will not be expressing your intention out loud, your intention is going to be communicated in your tone of voice." (05:36 | Alejandra Siroka)
• "When you let the other person know how, by supporting your needs, they are contributing to something important for you, the other person is more likely not only to hear your needs, but also to be willing and happy to support them. Because they're hearing loud and clear that they will be contributing to something valuable." (14:22 | Alejandra Siroka) 
• "When we are in conscious relationships with others, We understand that other people are not responsible for meeting our needs. We are responsible for meeting our needs." (15:12 | Alejandra Siroka) 
 
Links
To have group coaching with Alejandra, visit:
https://www.languagealchemy.com/groupcoaching
To work with Alejandra, visit: www.languagealchemy.com/workwithme
To join the Language Alchemy mailing list, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com
To ask questions you'd like Alejandra to answer in the podcast, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To find out about 1:1 transformative communication coaching with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/oneonone
To find out about couple transformative communication coaching with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/couples
To schedule a reduced-rate coaching consultation with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/newclient
To follow Alejandra on instagram follow @languagealchemy
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqD
 
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

140. The Secret Benefits of Expressing Needs & The Cost of Keeping Quiet

Navigating through life's challenges is one thing, but thriving and finding deep fulfillment is an entirely different journey—one that hinges significantly on our ability to communicate our needs clearly. Alejandra Siroka returns in this episode with Part 3 of the “Communicating Your Needs Skillfully” series, where she discusses the critical role of articulating needs in personal development and the cultivation of meaningful relationships. Alejandra highlights the positive effects of recognizing and meeting each other's needs, emphasizing how mutual support fosters joy, interconnectedness, and a sense of belonging. She argues that expressing needs not only affirms our own life and self-worth, but also strengthens self-esteem and contributes to balanced, healthy relationships.
 
Alejandra points out significant disadvantages when needs remain uncommunicated. Not expressing needs can entrench negative self-perceptions, including feelings of unworthiness or misplaced superiority, and erode self-esteem and confidence. It can also signal distrust and undervalue the capacity of loved ones to meet those needs, robbing them of the fulfillment that comes from providing support. Furthermore, failing to articulate needs prevents the fulfillment of relational needs, leading to emotional disconnection and potentially triggering anxiety, depression, and other negative emotional states. This silence hampers personal growth and the ability to maintain enriching, satisfying relationships.
 
To address these challenges, Alejandra introduces her Language Alchemy Group Coaching Program set to begin this April. This three-month program is designed to create a supportive community environment where participants can develop the skills to communicate their needs with clarity, confidence, and conviction. Through this initiative, Alejandra aims to equip individuals with the tools necessary for fostering clear and meaningful interactions, promising a path toward personal growth and healthier relationships. Learn more here.
 
Quotes
• "When you have a thriving and meaningful life, when you have equitable relationships, you experience interconnectedness." (04:41 | Alejandra Siroka) 
• "When you help contribute to others' well-being, you are also contributing to your own well-being." (04:50 | Alejandra Siroka)
• "When you communicate your needs out loud, you are giving others that opportunity to feel wonderful, to feel tender, generous, happy inside. And you are communicating to others that they are worthy of your trust, of your ask, and that whatever they're giving you to help you fulfill your needs is good, valuable, and appreciated." (08:16 | Alejandra Siroka) 
• "When you communicate your needs, you are affirming the importance of your life. When you ask for what you need, when you express your needs out loud with clarity, with confidence and conviction, you are reaffirming to yourself that you matter, that you are worthy of being given to. and that you and your life are valuable. And this is something very powerful and crucial to communicate if we want to have healthy relationships. Relationships in which you and the other human being have equal value." (08:53 | Alejandra Siroka) 
• "To have healthy relationships, we need to communicate our needs out loud." (13:52 | Alejandra Siroka)
 
Links
To have group coaching with Alejandra, visit:
https://www.languagealchemy.com/groupcoaching
To work with Alejandra, visit: www.languagealchemy.com/workwithme
To join the Language Alchemy mailing list, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com
To ask questions you'd like Alejandra to answer in the podcast, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To find out about 1:1 transformative communication coaching with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/oneonone
To find out about couple transformative communication coaching with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/couples
To schedule a reduced-rate coaching consultation with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/newclient
To follow Alejandra on instagram follow @languagealchemy
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqD
 
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

139. Communicating Your Needs Will Enliven Your Life and Relationships

Do you truly understand your needs and are you communicating them clearly? In this episode of the Language Alchemy Podcast, and as the second part of the Communicating Needs Skillfully series, host Alejandra Siroka delves into the importance of recognizing and expressing emotional, intellectual, energetic, and spiritual needs.
 
Alejandra leads with a series of probing questions designed to help listeners explore their own perceptions and beliefs about their needs. 
 
Sharing insights from her personal life, Alejandra introduces a practice she relies on to clarify her needs when they seem uncertain. Drawing from a personal hiking experience with her partner, she illustrates how self-reflection through specific questions can enhance awareness, uncover deeper needs, and foster clear and meaningful communication:
 
 What's truly going on with me right now? 
 What do I need?
 What's important for me right now?
 What would be beneficial for me in this situation?
 What would be useful to communicate out loud about my needs?
 
Through this story, Alejandra illustrates the crucial roles of self-awareness and empathy in recognizing personal needs and enhancing relational dynamics.
 
Alejandra offers an invitation to the Language Alchemy Group Coaching set in April, which will support those looking to know and connect better to their needs. 
 
Quotes
• “I'm using the words beautiful, wonderful, and precious because one of my teachers, Robert Gonzalez, used to talk about needs as the most precious gifts we have to affirm our lives. Another teacher I had, Marshall Rosenberg, believed that every thought and every action was an attempt to meet a need. And you don't have to agree with them to understand that every living being has needs. Your needs don't have to be good or bad. They're just human, human needs. And because you are human, my dear, you have needs.” (07:58 | Alejandra Siroka)
• “It's easier to connect to the needs of our physical body because our bodies communicate with us very clearly when we need air, food, rest, etc. It's the other needs, the emotional, intellectual, energetic, and spiritual needs that seem more elusive. These are the needs we must connect to and communicate if we would like to have meaningful, fulfilling lives and relationships.” (09:11 | Alejandra Siroka) 
• “When you don't know what your needs are, ask yourself these four questions. Number one, what's truly going on with me right now? Number two, what do I need? Number three, what's important for me right now? And number four, what would be beneficial for me in this situation? These are the four questions that can help you connect to your needs. And if you'd like to take the next step of encouraging yourself to communicate your needs, then ask yourself the fifth question, what would be useful to communicate out loud about my needs? Asking yourself that question will help you direct your awareness to communicate more skillfully with the people in your life.” (15:50 | Alejandra Siroka)
 
Links
To have group coaching with Alejandra, visit:
https://www.languagealchemy.com/groupcoaching
To work with Alejandra, visit: www.languagealchemy.com/workwithme
To join the Language Alchemy mailing list, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com
To ask questions you'd like Alejandra to answer in the podcast, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To find out about 1:1 transformative communication coaching with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/oneonone
To find out about couple transformative communication coaching with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/couples
To schedule a reduced-rate coaching consultation with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/newclient
To follow Alejandra on instagram follow @languagealchemy
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqD
 
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

138. Why Women Struggle to Communicate Their Needs Clearly and Directly

Why do so many women find it challenging to clearly articulate their needs? This episode of the Language Alchemy Podcast, hosted by Alejandra Siroka, tackles this question head-on, right in time for International Women's Day.
 
Alejandra discusses the dual purpose of International Women's Day: to celebrate women's achievements and advance gender equality. She stresses the need for women to express their needs as a critical aspect of achieving equality and recognition in society.
 
The episode examines common reasons why women struggle with communication, drawing on Alejandra's experiences and insights from working with women. She identifies societal conditioning, childhood influences, and cultural expectations as key factors that lead to indirect and often unclear expression of needs.
 
Alejandra offers advice for overcoming these communication barriers, focusing on self-reflection, the importance of community support, and the process of unlearning problematic communication patterns.
Quotes
• "When all the women in your life are able to communicate their needs with clarity, confidence, and compassion, they will be able to thrive because they will know in their bones that they matter as much as the male members of our human family. And women cannot thrive if they think they're less than men, or if they believe that they have not earned the right to have needs." (01:37 | Alejandra Siroka)
• "Why is it so challenging for women to simply say, I would like to receive more support from you when the kids are sick? Or, my body is telling me I need to rest and I can't keep volunteering every weekend. You need to find another volunteer. Or, I'm struggling to keep up with all the tasks and deadlines you're giving me. I need one more person in my team if you'd like us to meet the goals for this quarter. Why is it that women can't simply express their needs easily with their partners, with their adult children, with their coworkers, with our parents and other family members, with people in our community, with strangers? Why? Have you ever asked yourself that question?" (5:00 | Alejandra Siroka) 
• “So they say to me, Alejandra, how come my partner doesn't see I need more help with our kids' homework? How come my parents don't see I need more time with my friends and I can't spend every vacation with them? When I ask these women if they've communicated these needs to the other person, just like they're doing it with me, the answer I sometimes get is, um, maybe, or sometimes it's no, or I shouldn't need to. They should already know. I know so many people who think that way. My mother included. Why would we believe that the people in our lives should read our minds and know what we need without us asking them? The answer has to do with language and communication.” (08:12 | Alejandra Siroka) 
• “Why would we believe that the people in our lives should read our minds and know what we need without us asking them? The answer has to do with language and communication.” (08:51 | Alejandra Siroka) 
• “Learning to communicate our needs is part of our journey to become an adult woman.”  (16:52 | Alejandra Siroka)
 
Links
To have group coaching with Alejandra, visit:
https://www.languagealchemy.com/groupcoaching
To work with Alejandra, visit: www.languagealchemy.com/workwithme
To join the Language Alchemy mailing list, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com
To ask questions you'd like Alejandra to answer in the podcast, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To find out about 1:1 transformative communication coaching with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/oneonone
To find out about couple transformative communication coaching with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/couples
To schedule a reduced-rate coaching consultation with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/newclient
To follow Alejandra on instagram follow @languagealchemy
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqD
 
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

137. Saying Sorry Is Not Enough: How To Have A Repair Conversation

It is human to make mistakes, to hurt, offend, disappoint, or negatively impact another precious human being. And so it is a valuable skill to learn how to apologize in an authentic, mature, and responsible way.
In this episode of the Language Alchemy Podcast, host Alejandra Siroka delves into the transformative power of repair conversations, offering a more effective approach to healing and strengthening connections compared to typical apologies.
 
Alejandra begins by emphasizing the critical distinction between intention and impact when addressing hurtful actions or words towards another person. Repair conversations focus on acknowledging and taking responsibility for the impact caused, rather than merely justifying intentions, which often leads to defensiveness and resentment.
 
Listeners are guided through a step-by-step process to have a repair conversation. Alejandra emphasizes the creation of a safe space for the other person to express their feelings and impact authentically. Throughout the episode, Alejandra underscores the role of expressing remorse and appreciation during a repair conversation, showcasing its ability to strengthen the connection and foster reconciliation.
 
Mastering the art of repair conversations is a skill that takes time to develop. If you would like support through one-on-one coaching or group sessions to enhance your communication skills and repair relationships effectively, Alejandra invites you to visit her website for more information and resources. Tune in to this episode for valuable insights into transformative communication and healing relationships.
 
Quotes:
• "In a repair conversation, what needs your immediate attention is that the other person was negatively impacted. It doesn't matter whether you had a good intention or whether you had reasons that led you to say or do whatever you said or did. What you need to address first is the negative impact caused by your actions.” (4:21 | Alejandra Siroka)
• “When you have a repair conversation, you address the negative impact caused by your actions.” (4:21 | Alejandra Siroka) 
• "Expressing appreciation during a repair conversation helps the other person get back to a place of connection with you. This is how they connect back to their knowing that you are a good person. You don't need to tell them, you are demonstrating it." (10:59 | Alejandra Siroka) 
• "It is hard to quickly be in a space for a repair conversation after we've hurt another precious human being. So be patient with yourself. Don't say a repair conversation didn't work after trying it for the first time." (17:49 | Alejandra Siroka)
Links
Episode #136: Apologize Like an Adult:
https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcasts/language-alchemy-podcast/episodes/2148547407
Episode #75: When You Don't Like What You Hear: https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcasts/language-alchemy-podcast/episodes/2147833529
Episode #108: Navigating Disagreements, the Path of Meaningful Connection:
https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcasts/language-alchemy-podcast/episodes/2148053621
Episode #109: Empathy Versus Sympathy:
https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcasts/language-alchemy-podcast/episodes/2148071027
Episode #110: Five Strategies for Skillful Empathic Communication:
https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcasts/language-alchemy-podcast/episodes/2148087420
 
To have group coaching with Alejandra, visit:
https://www.languagealchemy.com/groupcoaching
To work with Alejandra, visit: www.languagealchemy.com/workwithme
To join the Language Alchemy mailing list, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com
To ask questions you'd like Alejandra to answer in the podcast, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To find out about 1:1 transformative communication coaching with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/oneonone
To find out about couple transformative communication coaching with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/couples
To schedule a reduced-rate coaching consultation with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/newclient
To follow Alejandra on instagram follow @languagealchemy
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqD
 
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm