The Language Alchemy Podcast

11. What ‘I don’t want to talk about it’ actually communicates

Do you avoid conversations that, while important, may also be uncomfortable?
When you do, you may use phrases such as “I don’t want to talk about that” or “Now is not the time.”
When we say or do things to not talk about something important, you create disconnection.
Often, we don’t even realize the ways we are avoiding connection because it has become your habitual way to communicate.
However, you are an adult and you have a choice as to how you want to show up in your relationships
Takeaways from this episode:
There are several ways we use habitual communication to avoid conversations.
When we choose to disconnect in this way, it has a negative impact on the recipient.
There’s one thing you can do right now and choose connection instead.
If you’re listening in real time, the doors to my 6-week online course Choosing True Connection are now open! Register at languagealchemy.com/enroll
--- LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
Sign up to the free masterclass ‘Unlocking the Mystery of true connection’:
https://www.languagealchemy.com/masterclass
To ask your communication questions, click here:
https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To join the mailing list, visit:
www.languagealchemy.com
For more resources about communication, go to:
https://www.languagealchemy.com/blogandvideo
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow:
https://open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
Produced by The Podcast Space, LLC.

10. Are you attacking others without even knowing it?

You know that using language to attack others creates disconnection, separation, and divisiveness. What you may not have considered much is that attacking comes in many forms. Would you like to know if you are engaging in one of them?
I’m going to share with you various forms of the two main ways we attack others with language to help you raise your awareness about the use of your language that may be creating disconnection.
With real life examples from my coaching clients, I’ll show you how these attacks may show up.
We’ll also look into the not-so-obvious trigger behind each and every one of these forms of attack.
At the end of the episode, the question I’ll leave you with is this: “how will you choose to communicate - will you choose a way that creates connection or disconnection?” I sincerely hope you choose connection.
Takeaways from this episode:
There are two main ways we attack others with language.
Each way of attacking has various forms; some of them are so subtle you may not be even aware of them.
Every attack stems from the same underlying trigger.
Attacking others creates disconnection, but we have the power to choose communication that creates connection instead.
To learn more about true connection, reserve your seat in my free masterclass: languagealchemy.com/masterclass
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LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
Sign up to the free masterclass ‘Unlocking the Mystery of true connection’:
https://www.languagealchemy.com/masterclass
Episode 7. The impact of using labels in communication
https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcasts/language-alchemy-podcast/episodes/2147576483
To ask your communication questions, click here:
https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To join the mailing list, visit:
www.languagealchemy.com
For more resources about communication, go to:
https://www.languagealchemy.com/blogandvideo
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow:
https://open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
Produced by The Podcast Space, LLC.

9. How to quiet down your inner critic to live in true connection with yourself and others

Your inner critic is that voice you hear in your head that tells you that you’re not good enough, capable enough, smart, or brave. This inner critic will keep you stuck and disconnected - unless you transform this internal communication so you can thrive.
Today, we’re going to unpack where this inner critic starts and how it becomes so ingrained in our psyche.
I’ll share two stories demonstrating the impact our inner critic can have in our life, one from Trevor Noah’s book Born A Crime and the other one from one of my coaching clients.
What’s the answer to helping this inner critic quiet down? I’ll tell you an alchemical step you can take right away to lessen the influence of your inner critic.
Takeaways from this episode:
Our inner critic learns its labels from the people in our younger life.
You can transform that inner critic to experience freedom and connection.
True connection is a universal human need, not something reserved for a lucky few.
To learn more about true connection, reserve your seat in my free masterclass: languagealchemy.com/masterclass
---
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
Sign up to the free masterclass ‘Unlocking the Mystery of true connection’:
https://www.languagealchemy.com/masterclass
Episode 7. The impact of using labels in communication
https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcasts/language-alchemy-podcast/episodes/2147576483
To ask your communication questions, click here:
https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To join the mailing list, visit:
www.languagealchemy.com
For more resources about communication, go to:
https://www.languagealchemy.com/blogandvideo
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow:
https://open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI

8. Q&As: How to Speak your Truth, Bias & Judgement

Do you wonder how to uncover your own “true self” that is often spoken about?
Are you unsure how to handle biases in your own thoughts or others attacking you with words?
I will answer these two questions brought so generously by listeners Britt and Angel.
Our first question was sent in by Britt - “I don't understand how you're supposed to know your true self or your truth. How do you do this?”
Beautiful question! I want you to explore a few specific areas of your thoughts and I have an example from my own life to illustrate why.
Our second question came as a voice message from Angel. It breaks down into two parts - “How do you stop your own biases and judgements before you speak? When someone else is expressing a bias towards you, attacking you with their words, how do you stay in the conversation instead of running away from it?
What a mature question, Angel, thank you for asking it. I have an exercise that will help you separate the biases that serve you from those that create disconnection as well as a suggestion that can transform your communication when someone is verbally attacking you.
Takeaways from this episode:
Sharing your questions is an act of generosity to others who may be having the same struggle in their communication. Enter your questions here.
It is possible to uncover our true self by digging through parts of our identity given to us by others.
Bringing biases from habitual to conscious thinking will allow us to decide if they are helpful or create disconnection.
Practical advice for what to do during a challenging conversation.
--- LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
Episode 6. Why communication is the foundation of everything you want in life
https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcasts/language-alchemy-podcast/episodes/2147576478
Episode 7. The impact of using labels in communication
https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcasts/language-alchemy-podcast/episodes/2147576483
To ask your communication questions, click here:
https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To join the mailing list, visit:
www.languagealchemy.com
For more resources about communication, go to:
https://www.languagealchemy.com/blogandvideo
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow:
https://open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
http://www.garylapow.com/about_gary_lapow.html
Podcast Produced by:
The Podcast Space, LLC

7. The impact of using labels in your communication

Labels are one of the most disconnecting language devices in our communication. It’s important to watch out for them if you want to build true connection in your interactions.
Today, I want to raise your awareness of the presence of labels in your own life.
Some labels are vocalized, while others are felt even if no words are spoken. Either way, they could be dangerous.
Even labels that sound positive could be disconnecting, not just the negative ones.
We need to remove both the labels we have learned to give others and the ones we use for ourselves.
Takeaways from this episode:
Labels that are internalized can have a lifelong impact on us.
I share an exercise to begin to see where you use labels.
Notice how labels increase or decrease your sense of connection.
--- LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
Episode 6:
https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcasts/language-alchemy-podcast/episodes/2147576478
To ask your communication questions, click here:
https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To join the mailing list, visit:
www.languagealchemy.com
For more resources about communication, go to:
https://www.languagealchemy.com/blogandvideo
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow:
https://open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
http://www.garylapow.com/about_gary_lapow.html
Podcast Produced by:
The Podcast Space, LLC

6. Why communication is the foundation of everything you want in life

You may have heard or even said that “communication is everything,” but what does that really mean?
In this episode, I share with you the science that supports that communication is the foundation of everything you want in your life, including surviving.
Let’s start at the beginning and consider infants and children to get a clear picture of why our ability to form connections was literally a matter of life or death. You’ll hear a real story that may surprise you.
Even as adults, for success in our relationships in all parts of life, communication and connection is vital.
I have a simple exercise for you to try that will solidify your understanding of this idea on a personal level.
We’ll be exploring more specifics about this over the next couple of weeks, so be sure to listen!
Takeaways from this episode:
Why communication is the foundation of everything.
The reason humans need each other to survive.
How to feel that thriving is a possibility for you.
--- LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
To ask your communication questions, click here:
https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To join the mailing list, visit:
www.languagealchemy.com
For more resources about communication, go to:
https://www.languagealchemy.com/blogandvideo
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow:
https://open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
http://www.garylapow.com/about_gary_lapow.html
Podcast Produced by:
The Podcast Space, LLC

5. Ways to cultivate connection with children and stressed out parents

“The little beings in our lives are learning how to communicate from us adults. It’s very important that we learn how to use our language with the little ones around us.“
In this episode, I’ve invited Caroline Griswold to have this discussion with us today.
This conversation will be useful for you, whether you are a parent yourself or not.
Caroline is a respectful parenting coach who works with parents using approaches that are rooted in deep respect for children as well as for parents.
As a former elementary school teacher, I learned that being mindful in communication with children is essential to foster connection. I share three communication strategies I used with my students.
Caroline has her own three recommendations for building connection respectfully.
She also suggests how to prepare children to go out into the world for school and social events.
Finally, we explore how to communicate with parents who have been experiencing a lot of stress during the past year and a half.
Takeaways from this episode:
Alejandra’s three mindful ways to connect with children
Caroline’s strategies to foster safety and connection with children in a respectful way
How to prepare children as they head back out into the world.
How to support parents who need to offload the stress of this year.
--- LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
Sign up for Caroline’s Newsletter Parenting Pause through the link below:
www.fertilegroundparenting.com/parentingpause
Download Caroline’s Essential Respectful Discipline Toolbox:
https://www.fertilegroundparenting.com/respectful-discipline-toolbox
To ask your communication questions, click here:
https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To join the mailing list, visit:
www.languagealchemy.com
For more resources about communication, go to:
https://www.languagealchemy.com/blogandvideo
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow:
https://open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
http://www.garylapow.com/about_gary_lapow.html
Podcast Produced by:
The Podcast Space, LLC

4. Vaccine Conversations: Finding the language of connection

Have you gotten into an argument with someone because of your decision or doubt about what to do regarding the COVID-19 vaccine? If so, you are not alone.
You might find yourself giving or receiving judgement, criticism, and disconnection with those who make different choices from your own.
How can we approach these conversations instead with conscious choice and build connection?
It starts, as conscious communication usually does, with finding your intention.
Without having intention as the guiding light for what we say, we’re often drawn into habitual communication.
In this episode, I share how to have conversations about the vaccine when you have the intention to connect, to understand, and to persuade.
Remember, language is very powerful; it can bring people together or apart.
Let’s use our language to connect and to communicate from the generosity of the heart, especially when talking with others about the vaccine.
Takeaways from this episode:
So many people are discussing the vaccine and furthering divisiveness.
There are 3 main intentions when approaching these conversations: the intention to persuade, the intention to find out information, and the intention to belong and create trust.
Exploring your intentions will help you use conscious communication and avoid habitual communication.
Listen to what the other person is telling you and find empathy for their thoughts. Respond from the generosity of the heart and “let love rule” as Lenny Kravitz says.
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LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
Let Love Rule, by Lenny Kravitz:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bbiqy2TOwBw
Episode 2: Want to communicate with intentionality? Use the 3 stages of alchemy:
https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcasts/language-alchemy-podcast/episodes/2147557118
To ask your communication questions, click here:
https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To join the mailing list, visit:
www.languagealchemy.com
For more resources about communication, go to:
https://www.languagealchemy.com/blogandvideo
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow:
https://open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
http://www.garylapow.com/about_gary_lapow.html
Podcast Produced by:
The Podcast Space, LLC

3. Q&As: When to speak and how to achieve authentic communication

Have you ever wondered how to know when to speak up and when to be silent?
Or are you curious about how to make your communication more authentic?
You are not alone in having these questions and in today’s Q&A style episode, I will answer both through the Language Alchemy lens.
The first question for today is from Kandy - “How can we know when it is best to speak up or be silent in a conversation?”
I want you to consider using the teachings of the Buddha, who invites us to ask ourselves four questions before we speak.
Let’s break them down and see how to use them in our decision process.
Next, Dazza asked about how to have truly authentic communication.
Did you know that when we share exactly what is on our mind, it isn’t necessarily authentic? There are many stories, opinions, and beliefs we keep in our mind that are not our whole experience.
I want to share three steps to teach you to communicate authentically, so if you’re ready, listen to this 20-minute episode now!
Takeaways from this episode:
Each month, I will make a Q&A episode. Please submit your communication question in written or voice form here.
Knowing when it’s better to speak or be silent starts with understanding your intentions.
Once you know your intentions, you can apply the four questions from the Buddha’s teachings on skillful or wise speech: Is what I’m about to say useful? Is it truthful? Is it timely? Is it kind?
Authenticity is a popular concept, but it doesn’t necessarily mean sharing everything that is on your mind.
Use these three steps to express yourself fully. First, notice your deeper experience. Then, connect to the relational values you want to fulfill in the relationship. Finally, consider how what you’re about to say may impact the other person.
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LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
5 Steps to Redirect Your Reactivity:
https://www.languagealchemy.com/5steps
To ask your communication questions, click here:
https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To join the mailing list, visit:
www.languagealchemy.com
For more resources about communication, go to:
https://www.languagealchemy.com/blogandvideo
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow:
https://open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
http://www.garylapow.com/about_gary_lapow.html
Podcast Produced by:
The Podcast Space, LLC

2. Want to communicate with intentionality? Use the 3 stages of alchemy

Do you have unnecessary stress or tension in your relationships? Then this episode is for you!
In this episode, I talk about the link between tension and stress in your life and relationships and the language you speak. 
You’ll hear about the benefits of paying attention to language and the perils of taking your language for granted.
Just like when you pay attention to your breath after learning pranayama or breathing techniques in mindfulness and meditation practices, you can pay attention to your language when you learn the 3 stages of alchemy.
To make the 3 stages of alchemy clear for you, I give you an example. A friend invites you to do something you don’t feel comfortable doing, but you end up saying ‘yes’. What happens from the moment you say that habitual ‘yes’ until the moment of the event?
And what if instead of giving a habitual response, you knew how to use the 3 stages of alchemy to give an intentional response?
Ready to learn how? Listen to the 15-minute episode and find out!
Takeaways from this episode: 
Most of us take language for granted and use habitual language rather than conscious language
Habitual language can bring unnecessary stress and tension into your relationships, while intentional language can bring calmness, clarity and authenticity
Alchemy has three stages: awareness, exploration and integration
The more aware you are of your language, the more you can decrease tension and stress in your life and your relationships
You can learn how to alchemize your language and transform it into communication gold
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LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE
More about Steven Picker:
https://stevenpinker.com/
To join the mailing list to receive your free guide to redirect your reactivity, visit:
www.languagealchemy.com
For more resources about communication, go to:
https://www.languagealchemy.com/blogandvideo
To ask your communication questions, click here:
https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow:
https://open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
http://www.garylapow.com/about_gary_lapow.html
Podcast Produced by:
The Podcast Space, LLC