The Language Alchemy Podcast

38. What Prevents Effective Communication?

Today, host Alejandra answers one of her listener's questions on how to communicate effectively. Although we may believe that we are transparent with our wants and needs, there may be room for improvement to avoid misunderstandings. With her background in communication coaching, Alejandra shares easy ways to become a more effective communicator.
If you find yourself having confusing or heated conversations with others, there may be an issue with your listening skills that prevent productive communication. By becoming a communication detective, you can develop a clearer sense of how to articulate your point of view. As a result, you can close the gap between yourself and others to forge a better relationship with your community.
Tune into this week’s episode of the Language Alchemy Podcast for a helpful conversation on effective communication. Learn more about what prevents clear communication, the importance of listening, and how misunderstandings prohibit genuine human connection.
Quotes
• “When it comes to effective interpersonal communication, we think that just because we said something, communication has been accomplished. That is not always the case.” (2:09 - 2:22)
• “By not listening, we have failed to concede the immense complexity of our society and thus, the great gaps between ourselves and those with whom we seek understanding.” (9:24 - 9:37)
• “I’d like to invite you to become your own effective communication investigator or effective communication detective. And I'll give you a clue. If you hear yourself saying to someone often, Oh, I thought you would do this. Or, ah, I thought you didn't need to bring lunch to school today. Or I thought you were going to call me, then that means you're not having effective communication because you're not fully listening. And that means that it would be very useful for you to learn more about listening.” (10:09 - 10:54)
• “If you constantly have misunderstandings, then you're not experiencing a true sense of connection with others.” (11:32 - 11:40)
• “My wish for you is that your communication investigation gives you great insights.” (14:16 - 14:23)
Links
To sign up for free workshop The Communication Secret to Creating and Maintaining Meaningful Relationships, click here:
languagealchemy.com/workshop
To ask your communication questions, click here:
languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To join the mailing list, visit:languagealchemy.com
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow:
open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

37. Love That Lasts

“The way we communicate is just a tool to access our deeper being. And I think for us, learning how to communicate was just learning how to be in love and speak with love with each other,” says Matthew Siroka, husband of host Alejandra. Often in her work coaching couples, clients ask how Alejandra and Matthew communicate. Today, Matthew shares what works for them and how to build a loving and lasting relationship.
Matthew and Alejandra come from vastly different backgrounds. Alejandra was raised Catholic in Argentina, and Matthew was raised Jewish in New York City. Differences aside, Matthew and Alejandra utilize transformative communication tools to ensure that they are listening to each other and reminding themselves that they are with the person they love.
Tune into this week’s episode of The Language Alchemy Podcast for a loving conversation on communication in relationships. Learn more about Matthew and Alejandra’s differences, the necessary tools for transformative communication, and how to adapt to give your partner the space to share. 
Quotes
• “The way we communicate is just a tool to access our deeper being. And I think for us, learning how to communicate was just learning how to be in love and speak with love with each other.” [Matthew] (5:30 - 5:51)
• “We got some tools. But the tools were the means to an end. And the end was how to continually show up with each other in a way that we wanted to.” [Matthew] (5:58 - 6:09)
• “The tools allow me to pause and consider how I want to show up, even if I feel frustrated, anxious, closed off, annoyed, or many other things I often feel.” [Matthew] (6:53 - 7:14)
• “I find that when we have that access to that deeper connection, we have the openness to keep being curious about each other, keep learning from each other, and see things and hear we otherwise wouldn't have.” [Alejandra] (9:26 - 9:47)
• “It's an acknowledgment that we have different styles of sharing and different levels of comfort. And you're ready to jump in where it takes me a while to get there. Having the space to do that is an invitation and makes me feel like you're available.” [Matthew] (14:35 - 14:59) 
Links
To sign up for free workshop The Communication Secret to Creating and Maintaining Meaningful Relationships, click here:
languagealchemy.com/workshop
To listen to the Language Alchemy story:
https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcasts/language-alchemy-podcast/episodes/2147549241
To ask your communication questions, click here:
languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To join the mailing list, visit:languagealchemy.com
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow:
open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI 
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

36. Want to Give Peace a Chance? Resist Your Reactivity

With the war in Ukraine still raging on, everyone in our human family feels troubled and tense. As a result, overall communication is suffering amongst loved ones and communities. Today, host Alejandra gives tips on becoming less reactive to have more productive and peaceful communication.
Whether you react with anger or shut down in difficult conversations, giving into reactivity can harm your relationships. In a heated discussion, we may assume that the person is trying to hurt us or has bad intentions. Instead of reacting in a manner that can damage a relationship, Alejandra encourages her listeners to take a step back and question the validity of these negative feelings. After all, when we learn to resist our reactivity, we can experience a true connection with others.
Tune into this week’s episode of the Language Alchemy Podcast for an empathetic conversation on peaceful resistance in communication. Learn more about how we all are intrinsically connected, why evading conversations is just as damaging as being combative, and the three ways you can check in with yourself before verbally reacting.
Quotes
• “When we are conscious of our human connection and realize that some of us in our human family suffer, we are all affected by that pain. What you do and how you do it impacts other members of our human family.” (3:19 - 3:40)
• “​​Combative energy occurs when we react. The kind of peaceful resistance that I'm suggesting is to help you resist your reactivity so that you can understand the psycholinguistic impact of indulging in your reactivity, and you choose something else.” (4:25 - 4:44)
• “If you want to go into peaceful resistance, and contribute to much-needed peace in this world, then you need to learn to resist reactivity.” (11:27 -11:37)
• “Find out how much your reactivity costs you. Be willing to understand the pain your reactivity generates for you and the other person. Then you can ask yourself if this price is worth paying.” (13:13 - 13:28)
• “When you learn to resist your reactivity, you experience meaningful relationships with others. You get to experience true connection.” (15:00 - 15:10)
Links
To download the free guide 5 Steps to Redirect Your Reactivity www.languagealchemy.com/5steps
To listen to Episode 11: What 'I don't want to talk about it' actually communicates
https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcasts/language-alchemy-podcast?search=i+don%27t+want+to+talk+about+it
To sign up for free workshop The Communication Secret to Creating and Maintaining Meaningful Relationships, click here:
www.languagealchemy.com/workshop
To ask your communication questions, click here:
languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To join the mailing list, visit:languagealchemy.com
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow:
open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

35: Choosing Peace in Your Communication

Not all wars result in physical combat, such as the current war between Russia and Ukraine. Many battles exist in familial conflicts that may lead to estrangement or harmful effects on the body. In today’s episode, host Alejandra breaks down different ways to communicate peacefully to avoid destructive communication patterns.
There are many benefits to peaceful living. From better sleep to healthier relationships to improved overall health, we gain a higher quality of life when choosing harmony over fighting. Although it may seem difficult to resist the temptation of an argument, Alejandra encourages her listeners to explore their anger and choose more cordial tactics instead. After all, acting as a peacemaker not only helps you but your community as well.
Tune into this week’s episode of the Language Alchemy Podcast for a helpful conversation on peaceful communication. Learn more about the four benefits of peace, why fighting drains you of your energy, and how choosing peace allows you to show up for your loved ones.
Quotes
• “​​Your family needs you as a peacemaker. Your community needs you as a peacemaker. The people who don't share your opinions need you as a peacemaker. This world needs both of us to be peacemakers.” (1:38 - 1:54)
• “If you want to have more health or better health, find ways to cultivate peace.” (3:25 - 3:30)
• “When you experience peace frequently, you're more embodied, literally, not figuratively. You have greater access to your bodily sensations, so you are less lost in thoughts, you're less caught up in your head. And when you're more embodied, you smile more, make eye contact more frequently, speak more eloquently because your breath is more even, you're more present, and therefore, you listen more, which means that you're more enjoyable to be around. And this makes you more attractive, in the sense that people want to be with others with whom they can enjoy meaningful conversations. They want to be with others who have the time or take the time to savor the experience together.” (5:37 - 6:27)
• “When you don't have peace, it's extremely hard to have space for others. But when you experience peace, you have the energy to show up for all those who need you, all those who need to be listened to by you, all those who need to be heard by you, and all those who need to be held by you.” (8:23 - 8:48)
• “You are needed as a peacemaker at this time, and you can do it. You have the ability to choose peace. And when you choose peace, you choose health. You choose better sleep, you choose to be attractive, and you choose to show up in your life and your relationships in a healing, constructive and mature way.” (14:24 - 14:47)
•“When we have peace, that's when we can truly connect with one another.” (15:38 - 15:43)
Links
To sign up for free workshop The Communication Secret to Cultivating Meaningful Relationships, click here:
www.languagealchemy.com/workshop
To ask your communication questions, click here:
www.languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To join the mailing list, visit: www.languagealchemy.com
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow:
www.open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

34. Conscious Defending from Gaslighting

With the devastating war occurring in Ukraine, host Alejandra Siroka reflects on the power of language. Although language has the power to heal, it can also lead us to our destruction. With this in mind, Alejandra explores the darker side of speech: gaslighting.
Often in unequal relationships, the person with more power uses gaslighting to manipulate others. By causing the other person to doubt their experience or dismiss their feelings, the manipulator can make them feel more vulnerable or dependent. To combat this toxic dynamic, Alejandra lays out the key signs of gaslighting and reminds her audience to always assert their truth.
Tune into this week’s episode of the Language Alchemy Podcast for a straightforward conversation on gaslighting. Learn more about psychological manipulation, how false political narratives mislead us into war, and the communication tools needed to combat gaslighting in relationships.
Quotes
• “It's important to remember that language has the power to heal and the power to destroy. Language has the power to bring us to war.” (1:08 - 1:21)
• “Gaslighting doesn't just happen in movies. It can happen in any relationship.” (4:47 - 4:53)
• “Gaslighting is lying to obtain an advantage to oneself while misleading the other person so that they question what they experienced as true.” (7:15 - 7:26)
• “Gaslighting tends to happen in relationships where there's a power imbalance. The person who does the gaslighting has a perceived position of power, and they see the other as vulnerable or fearful.” (7:45 - 8:01)
• “You need to have the transformative communication tools to engage in conscious defense if you are in a relationship in which there is gaslighting. To engage in conscious defense, you need to assert yourself.” ( 12:31 - 12:47)
• “May you be aware of the power of your language, and may you choose to communicate in ways that bring forth peace and healing.” (15:23 -15:32)
Links
To ask your communication questions, click here:
www.languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To join the mailing list, visit: www.languagealchemy.com
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow:
www.open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

33. How to talk to women so they connect to their worth

With International Women’s Day on the horizon, host Alejandra Siroka recognizes the value of celebrating women. By supporting women, we remind them of their worth, improving society as a whole. With her experience coaching women and as a woman herself, Alejandra breaks down concrete language suggestions that can raise up the women in your lives.
Historically, and even now, many women are minimized by their well-intentioned loved ones. By ignoring young girls’ accomplishments and having separate rules for daughters and sons, we send a message that women are less than in society and culture. By changing the tone and descriptive words we use and highlighting powerful women, we can change the narrative and allow women to recognize their full potential.
Tune into this week’s episode of Language Alchemy for an educational discussion on positive communication with women. Learn more about Alejandra’s five language tools to uplift women, the negative messages women receive, and why supporting women helps us all succeed.
Quotes
• “When we support women to thrive, we all thrive.” (1:44 - 1:48)
• “When we contribute to women having the same opportunities as men, we have more members of our human family believing, communicating, and behaving with confidence, with trust in their capacity, dignity, and shared power. And this is the kind of mindset needed to thrive.” (1:44 - 2:12)
• “I’ve coached lots of women, and I'm a woman who comes from a family of mostly women and who's worked in professions where most of my peers were women. I don't know one single woman who hasn't received messages about our place, worth, and role in society as dependent, vulnerable, or incapable beings. We've heard these messages from our loving and well-intentioned parents, from teachers, from authority figures, from society, from arts and culture, and other women.” (2:33 - 3:22)
• “Want a world in which all female members of our human family know their value, their worth, trust their capacity, and believe that they too can realize their full potential and thrive?” (9:00 - 9:22)
• “Communication is not just about the words we use. It's about the tone and how you say these words. If you call women or girls sensitive, say it with a positive tone of voice because someone sensitive has access to their feelings. And someone who has access to their feelings, has empathy and compassion for others. And someone who has empathy and compassion for others is someone who's able to take action for positive change.” (11:36 - 12:11)
• "You have the wonderful opportunity to change the message for all the women in your life. You can communicate that you see their capacity and support their success." (9:24 - 9:46)
Links
The Ugly Truth about You Look Beautiful 3-minute video:
https://www.languagealchemy.com/blog/the-ugly-truth-about-you-look-beautiful
For more resources about communication, go to:
https://www.languagealchemy.com/blogandvideo
To ask your communication questions, click here:
https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To join the mailing list, visit:
www.languagealchemy.com
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow:
https://open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI

32. Nurturing intimacy in a busy world

Valentine’s Day has come and gone, but you can take the most important part of the holiday with you.
Can you guess what that is?
One commonality most holidays share is the opportunity for intimacy with those who matter most.
“Intimacy” comes from 2 Latin words: the word intimus, which means inmost, and intimare, which means to know deeply.
So, you could say holidays are a chance to get a clear impression of someone and reconnect. However, you don’t have to wait for the holidays to become reacquainted with them on a deeper level.
We’re all busy in our day-to-day lives, but carving out moments for intimacy doesn’t have to be a time-consuming, arduous process.
I’d like to share 3 transformative communication tools for nurturing intimacy between you and your loved ones. Whether it’s a partner, spouse, or someone else you love, putting these into practice can help you show them they matter to you.
Takeaways from this episode:
- 2 roadblocks to communication include our busy schedules and the fact we’re constantly changing. Then, when we finally check in with our loved ones, we may feel distant.
- Simply talking to one another doesn’t foster intimacy, especially when it’s accompanied by multitasking.
- Promoting intimate communication helps keep your relationship alive and well and can take as little as 30 seconds.
--- LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
Connect with me on Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/languagealchemy
For more resources about communication, go to:
https://www.languagealchemy.com/blogandvideo
To ask your communication questions, click here:
https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To join the mailing list, visit:
www.languagealchemy.com
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow:
https://open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
Produced by The Podcast Space, LLC.

31. The 5 Love languages, and the one caveat you need to be aware of

Valentine’s Day is a celebration many people either love or hate. Others may feel indifferent – or prefer to observe “Single’s Awareness Day” instead!
Personally, I believe it’s important to have a day when millions of people express their love to those they care about.
Maybe it’s through a hug or kiss.
Maybe it’s through a gift, like a box of chocolates or jewelry.
Maybe it’s through preparing a meal or helping with the chores.
Maybe it’s watching a movie together.
Or maybe it’s sharing the phrase “I love you” through a card, phone call, or simply, sweetly stated aloud.
These different ways of sharing love are examples of the 5 love languages, pioneered and popularized by Dr. Gary Chapman in his book The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts.
Physical touch, receiving gifts, acts of service, quality time, and words of affirmation are all helpful ways to communicate love. They’re also helpful to recognize in your partner so you’re aware of their expression of love.
This discussion will help you identify your (and your partner’s) love language to create a lasting connection. That way, you can better see and appreciate the love around you and the many forms it takes.
Takeaways from this episode:
- Be aware of and communicate to your partner that you recognize their expression of love for you.
- Avoid using the 5 love languages to blame your partner for not using your preferred love language. This can create unnecessary disconnection and devalues the way your partner shows love.
- Love comes from within. If you want to feel loved, you need to notice all the ways in which you are loved rather than imposing on your environment.
--- LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
5 Love Languages:https://www.5lovelanguages.com/learnConnect with me on Instagram: 
https://www.instagram.com/languagealchemy
For more resources about communication, go to:
https://www.languagealchemy.com/blogandvideo
To ask your communication questions, click here:
https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To join the mailing list, visit:
www.languagealchemy.com
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow:
https://open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
Produced by The Podcast Space, LLC.

30. The way through pain is compassion in your communication

I find that it’s easier to connect to a concept when I delve into the origin of the word.
The word “compassion” is a Latin word meaning, “to be with the pain of another.”
Think about what that means. At first, the idea of taking on another’s pain may not sound appealing. Yet, compassion brings people together.
When we communicate with compassion, we can understand others in their trouble; we can make space for others and experience connection.
Compassion is one of the 3 elements of transformative communication, along with clarity and confidence. In this episode, I’m focusing on compassion and how it not only bridges communication and understanding, but elevates our humanity.
My sincere hope is that you’ll unpack the idea of compassion by learning the types of pain and identifying them in yourself. You’ll also understand the benefits of opening your heart to others in a meaningful way.
You - and others in your life - deserve it. 
Takeaways from this episode:
- When we avoid confronting our pain (and the pain of others), it turns into resentment, grievance, or judgment. This in turn, generates the experience of divisiveness and disconnection.
- Compassion opens our hearts to others, allowing us to connect in a meaningful way that prevents shame and judgment from existing.
- It’s easier to understand others’ pain when you understand the pain residing within yourself.
--- LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
Episode 1 of 3 my series about how to Express yourself with clarity, confidence, and compassion:
28. Want less conflict in your relationships?
https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcasts/language-alchemy-podcast/episodes/2147674877
Episode 2 of 3 of my series about how to Express yourself with clarity, confidence, and compassion:
https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcasts/language-alchemy-podcast/episodes/2147678087
Connect with me on Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/languagealchemy 
For more resources about communication, go to:
https://www.languagealchemy.com/blogandvideo
To ask your communication questions, click here:
https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To join the mailing list, visit:
www.languagealchemy.com
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow:
https://open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
Produced by The Podcast Space, LLC.

29. Do you struggle with others not trusting you? You may not sound confident enough!

This is the second part in my 3-part series on the qualities of transformative communication. In episode 28 we discussed communicating with clarity. Now we’re building upon it to discuss:
-How to understand when you or others aren’t communicating with confidence
-The benefits of communicating with confidence
-2 action items to cultivate confidence in your communication
Communicating with confidence is vital to living authentically. Many people are aware of this.
In fact, 99.9% of people who ask for my support with communication coaching need help communicating confidently. Oftentimes, however, people don’t even realize that’s what they need.
Communicating with confidence involves more than you may think.It isn’t just about the words you say.
There’s a huge nonverbal component, and that energy comes across to the listener when you lack confidence.
The word “confidence” comes from Latin, and it means “to be with faith or to trust.”
Have you noticed when someone sounds nervous it’s as if they don’t trust themselves? Their words lack authority and conviction.
The same happens when your voice doesn’t convey confidence; it’s hard for others to have faith in you.
Takeaways from this episode:
-The more you know about your communication, the more you’ll know what to continue - and the more clarity you’ll have about what you need to learn.
-When you lack confidence, you can feel it in your body. Be aware of those sensations and take a deep breath to transform your nerves.
-When you’re able to communicate with confidence, others are generally more willing to listen, follow, and support you.
--- LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
Episode 1 of 3 my series about how to Express yourself with clarity, confidence, and compassion:
28. Want less conflict in your relationships?
https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcasts/language-alchemy-podcast/episodes/2147674877
Connect with me on Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/languagealchemy
For more resources about communication, go to:
https://www.languagealchemy.com/blogandvideo
To ask your communication questions, click here:
https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To join the mailing list, visit:
www.languagealchemy.com
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow:
https://open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
Produced by The Podcast Space, LLC.