The Language Alchemy Podcast

41. We’re All Going Through Stress

From the pandemic to world war, human beings deal with a good amount of stress. As a result, we behave in damaging ways, such as acting defensive to those around us. Today, host Alejandra breaks down the different reactions to stress and how we can communicate more mindfully in our daily lives.
Due to the pandemic, our human family is more disconnected than ever. Since we are social creatures, this has caused an abundance of stress that has negatively affected our communication with one another. However, Alejandra explains that if we acknowledge our anxiety and become connected to our true feelings, we will be able to increase our capacity for ourselves and others. After all, genuine human connection will ultimately relieve us from the damaging experience of stress.
Tune into this week’s episode of Language Alchemy Podcast for a sensitive conversation on reacting to stress. Learn more about the signs of reactivity, the social consequences caused by the pandemic, and how becoming self-connected leads to more positive behavior.
Quotes
• “We're having a serious problem as a human family, especially in highly industrialized countries. And that problem is that we are reacting to stress in ways that are extremely harmful.” (1:04 - 1:18)
• “Whenever we're fighting, we are reacting.” (3:43 - 3:45)
• “Reaction is when you repeat your communication and behavior in response to an experience.” (5:43 - 5:52)
• “The more self-connected you are, the less likely you are to behave in self destructive ways.” (10:34 - 10:41)
“By connecting with yourself, you connect to your capacity. And by connecting to your capacity, you connect to your ability to take care of yourself, which then offers you the true possibility of relieving yourself from the experience of stress.” (11:51 - 12:14)
Links:
To get the free guide 5 Steps to Redirect Your Reactivity, click here: languagealchemy.com/5steps
To read article published on Atlantic Why People Are Acting So Weird:
https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2022/03/antisocial-behavior-crime-violence-increase-pandemic/627076/?utm_source=pocket&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=pockethits&cta=1&src=ph&utm_source=pocket_mylist
To ask your communication questions, click here: languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To join the mailing list, visit: languagealchemy.com
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

40. 3 Myths About Healthy Relationships

“I don't know any truly healthy relationship that has not had its good share of difficulties,” explains host Alejandra. Alejandra realizes that it’s natural for people to seek healthy relationships and debunks the everyday myths that prevent real connection. After all, we may not realize that our communication style prevents us from the relationships we want, something highlighted in Alejandra’s upcoming Choosing True Connection course.
One of the most common myths about healthy relationships is that they are supposed to be easy and fun. However, this is an impossible standard as even the closest confidants can have conflicting worldviews and disagreements. Although relationship difficulties are inevitable, mindful listening and communication skills can help both parties feel safe, strengthening their bond.
Tune into this week’s episode of Language Alchemy Podcast for a demystifying conversation on typical relationship myths. Learn more about “chemistry’s” role in forming a social connection, the consequences of superficial dynamics, and how even the best relationships experience conflict.
Quotes
• “I don't know any truly healthy relationship that has not had its good share of difficulties, disagreements, and different views. I can tell you that my closest friendships are with people who were able to go through difficulties with me, disagree with me, and have different perspectives.” (00:01 - 00:25)
• “If you want to have healthy relationships in your life, then you must be aware of how you're communicating.” (2:17 - 2:26)
• “Good chemistry alone is not the most important foundation for a healthy relationship. And when I talk about relationships, I'm not just talking about romantic relationships. You can think of it as a friendship, you can think about a professional partnership. In fact, I'm sure you've had the experience in your life of meeting someone you didn't have good chemistry with in the beginning, maybe you didn't even like this person. But in time, you learn to be more receptive to that person, so much so that the person you didn't have good chemistry with is now your spouse, your best friend, your greatest ally. So good chemistry is useful. But it is not the foundation of a healthy relationship.” (6:22 - 7:14)
• “The myth that healthy relationships are always easy, pleasant, and fun is plain and simple a lie. And if you're holding such a story as true, then you need to take an honest look at your relationships and realize that you need to be able to communicate with others.” (9:46 - 10:07)
• “Healthy relationships are relationships in which both parties can go through difficulties, disagreements, and different views and then find a way to achieve greater connection.” (11:25 - 11:41)
• “When both members of the relationship feel safe with one another, then you can have a truly healthy relationship.” (13:12 - 13:23)
Links:
To sign up for 6-week online course Choosing True Connection: Learning to Listen without Losing Your Cool, Taking it Personally, or Giving Up Who You Truly Are, click here: languagealchemy.com/enroll
To ask your communication questions, click here: languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To join the mailing list, visit: languagealchemy.com
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

39. A Communication Skill You Don’t Often Hear About

“Skillful listening is as important, or perhaps even more important, than skillful speaking,” says host Alejandra. Through her work as a communication coach, Alejandra discovered that skillful listeners were the best communicators. Now, she teaches her clients how to use their listening skills to strengthen their relationships and interactions with others.
Alejandra understands that communicating with people with different political or world views may be challenging. However, she also understands that the best communicators can avoid potential triggers by making space and listening to what the other person is saying before reacting. After all, effective communication is a two-way street, and when people feel heard, they can feel safe to be themselves.
Tune into this week’s episode of Language Alchemy Podcast for a practical conversation on skillful listening. Learn more about communicating with people different from you, why skillful listening is as essential as speaking, and how to have stronger connections to your loved ones and community.
Quotes
• “When we communicate skillfully, we can enter a place of unity or connection with another person.” (0:15 - 0:23)
• “Transformative communication is not just about being able to say what we mean because communication is not a one-person activity. There is another person involved. When we communicate skillfully, we can enter a place of unity or connection with another person.” (3:04 - 3:23)
• “Skillful listening is as important or perhaps even more important than skillful speaking.” (4:41 - 4:49)
• “After learning to listen, I started teaching my coaching clients to do this. And well, the outcome. Oh, it's been precious. Couples about to separate found a new sense of joy and love and chose to stay together. Families heading towards estrangement were able to experience closeness again. People who felt lonely and isolated learned to have friends and even form communities, all because they learned to listen skillfully. The thing is that when we learn to listen to another human being, we include them. And when we include another person, we make space for the response or reaction. And we understand that the response or reaction is not a problem. It's just communication.” (6:00 - 6:59)
• “When we are listened to, we feel safe to be who we are. We feel safe expressing ourselves authentically.” (9:11 - 9:20)
• “My wish for you is that you may be open to learning to listen because that's where the gold of communication is.” (11:31 - 11:39)
Links
To sign up for 6-week online course Choosing True Connection: Learning to Listen without Losing Your Cool, Taking it Personally, or Giving Up Who You Truly Are, click here: www.languagealchemy.com/enroll
To ask your communication questions, click here:
languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To join the mailing list, visit:languagealchemy.com
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow:
open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

38. What Prevents Effective Communication?

Today, host Alejandra answers one of her listener's questions on how to communicate effectively. Although we may believe that we are transparent with our wants and needs, there may be room for improvement to avoid misunderstandings. With her background in communication coaching, Alejandra shares easy ways to become a more effective communicator.
If you find yourself having confusing or heated conversations with others, there may be an issue with your listening skills that prevent productive communication. By becoming a communication detective, you can develop a clearer sense of how to articulate your point of view. As a result, you can close the gap between yourself and others to forge a better relationship with your community.
Tune into this week’s episode of the Language Alchemy Podcast for a helpful conversation on effective communication. Learn more about what prevents clear communication, the importance of listening, and how misunderstandings prohibit genuine human connection.
Quotes
• “When it comes to effective interpersonal communication, we think that just because we said something, communication has been accomplished. That is not always the case.” (2:09 - 2:22)
• “By not listening, we have failed to concede the immense complexity of our society and thus, the great gaps between ourselves and those with whom we seek understanding.” (9:24 - 9:37)
• “I’d like to invite you to become your own effective communication investigator or effective communication detective. And I'll give you a clue. If you hear yourself saying to someone often, Oh, I thought you would do this. Or, ah, I thought you didn't need to bring lunch to school today. Or I thought you were going to call me, then that means you're not having effective communication because you're not fully listening. And that means that it would be very useful for you to learn more about listening.” (10:09 - 10:54)
• “If you constantly have misunderstandings, then you're not experiencing a true sense of connection with others.” (11:32 - 11:40)
• “My wish for you is that your communication investigation gives you great insights.” (14:16 - 14:23)
Links
To sign up for free workshop The Communication Secret to Creating and Maintaining Meaningful Relationships, click here:
languagealchemy.com/workshop
To ask your communication questions, click here:
languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To join the mailing list, visit:languagealchemy.com
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow:
open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

37. Love That Lasts

“The way we communicate is just a tool to access our deeper being. And I think for us, learning how to communicate was just learning how to be in love and speak with love with each other,” says Matthew Siroka, husband of host Alejandra. Often in her work coaching couples, clients ask how Alejandra and Matthew communicate. Today, Matthew shares what works for them and how to build a loving and lasting relationship.
Matthew and Alejandra come from vastly different backgrounds. Alejandra was raised Catholic in Argentina, and Matthew was raised Jewish in New York City. Differences aside, Matthew and Alejandra utilize transformative communication tools to ensure that they are listening to each other and reminding themselves that they are with the person they love.
Tune into this week’s episode of The Language Alchemy Podcast for a loving conversation on communication in relationships. Learn more about Matthew and Alejandra’s differences, the necessary tools for transformative communication, and how to adapt to give your partner the space to share. 
Quotes
• “The way we communicate is just a tool to access our deeper being. And I think for us, learning how to communicate was just learning how to be in love and speak with love with each other.” [Matthew] (5:30 - 5:51)
• “We got some tools. But the tools were the means to an end. And the end was how to continually show up with each other in a way that we wanted to.” [Matthew] (5:58 - 6:09)
• “The tools allow me to pause and consider how I want to show up, even if I feel frustrated, anxious, closed off, annoyed, or many other things I often feel.” [Matthew] (6:53 - 7:14)
• “I find that when we have that access to that deeper connection, we have the openness to keep being curious about each other, keep learning from each other, and see things and hear we otherwise wouldn't have.” [Alejandra] (9:26 - 9:47)
• “It's an acknowledgment that we have different styles of sharing and different levels of comfort. And you're ready to jump in where it takes me a while to get there. Having the space to do that is an invitation and makes me feel like you're available.” [Matthew] (14:35 - 14:59) 
Links
To sign up for free workshop The Communication Secret to Creating and Maintaining Meaningful Relationships, click here:
languagealchemy.com/workshop
To listen to the Language Alchemy story:
https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcasts/language-alchemy-podcast/episodes/2147549241
To ask your communication questions, click here:
languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To join the mailing list, visit:languagealchemy.com
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow:
open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI 
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

36. Want to Give Peace a Chance? Resist Your Reactivity

With the war in Ukraine still raging on, everyone in our human family feels troubled and tense. As a result, overall communication is suffering amongst loved ones and communities. Today, host Alejandra gives tips on becoming less reactive to have more productive and peaceful communication.
Whether you react with anger or shut down in difficult conversations, giving into reactivity can harm your relationships. In a heated discussion, we may assume that the person is trying to hurt us or has bad intentions. Instead of reacting in a manner that can damage a relationship, Alejandra encourages her listeners to take a step back and question the validity of these negative feelings. After all, when we learn to resist our reactivity, we can experience a true connection with others.
Tune into this week’s episode of the Language Alchemy Podcast for an empathetic conversation on peaceful resistance in communication. Learn more about how we all are intrinsically connected, why evading conversations is just as damaging as being combative, and the three ways you can check in with yourself before verbally reacting.
Quotes
• “When we are conscious of our human connection and realize that some of us in our human family suffer, we are all affected by that pain. What you do and how you do it impacts other members of our human family.” (3:19 - 3:40)
• “​​Combative energy occurs when we react. The kind of peaceful resistance that I'm suggesting is to help you resist your reactivity so that you can understand the psycholinguistic impact of indulging in your reactivity, and you choose something else.” (4:25 - 4:44)
• “If you want to go into peaceful resistance, and contribute to much-needed peace in this world, then you need to learn to resist reactivity.” (11:27 -11:37)
• “Find out how much your reactivity costs you. Be willing to understand the pain your reactivity generates for you and the other person. Then you can ask yourself if this price is worth paying.” (13:13 - 13:28)
• “When you learn to resist your reactivity, you experience meaningful relationships with others. You get to experience true connection.” (15:00 - 15:10)
Links
To download the free guide 5 Steps to Redirect Your Reactivity www.languagealchemy.com/5steps
To listen to Episode 11: What 'I don't want to talk about it' actually communicates
https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcasts/language-alchemy-podcast?search=i+don%27t+want+to+talk+about+it
To sign up for free workshop The Communication Secret to Creating and Maintaining Meaningful Relationships, click here:
www.languagealchemy.com/workshop
To ask your communication questions, click here:
languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To join the mailing list, visit:languagealchemy.com
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow:
open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

35: Choosing Peace in Your Communication

Not all wars result in physical combat, such as the current war between Russia and Ukraine. Many battles exist in familial conflicts that may lead to estrangement or harmful effects on the body. In today’s episode, host Alejandra breaks down different ways to communicate peacefully to avoid destructive communication patterns.
There are many benefits to peaceful living. From better sleep to healthier relationships to improved overall health, we gain a higher quality of life when choosing harmony over fighting. Although it may seem difficult to resist the temptation of an argument, Alejandra encourages her listeners to explore their anger and choose more cordial tactics instead. After all, acting as a peacemaker not only helps you but your community as well.
Tune into this week’s episode of the Language Alchemy Podcast for a helpful conversation on peaceful communication. Learn more about the four benefits of peace, why fighting drains you of your energy, and how choosing peace allows you to show up for your loved ones.
Quotes
• “​​Your family needs you as a peacemaker. Your community needs you as a peacemaker. The people who don't share your opinions need you as a peacemaker. This world needs both of us to be peacemakers.” (1:38 - 1:54)
• “If you want to have more health or better health, find ways to cultivate peace.” (3:25 - 3:30)
• “When you experience peace frequently, you're more embodied, literally, not figuratively. You have greater access to your bodily sensations, so you are less lost in thoughts, you're less caught up in your head. And when you're more embodied, you smile more, make eye contact more frequently, speak more eloquently because your breath is more even, you're more present, and therefore, you listen more, which means that you're more enjoyable to be around. And this makes you more attractive, in the sense that people want to be with others with whom they can enjoy meaningful conversations. They want to be with others who have the time or take the time to savor the experience together.” (5:37 - 6:27)
• “When you don't have peace, it's extremely hard to have space for others. But when you experience peace, you have the energy to show up for all those who need you, all those who need to be listened to by you, all those who need to be heard by you, and all those who need to be held by you.” (8:23 - 8:48)
• “You are needed as a peacemaker at this time, and you can do it. You have the ability to choose peace. And when you choose peace, you choose health. You choose better sleep, you choose to be attractive, and you choose to show up in your life and your relationships in a healing, constructive and mature way.” (14:24 - 14:47)
•“When we have peace, that's when we can truly connect with one another.” (15:38 - 15:43)
Links
To sign up for free workshop The Communication Secret to Cultivating Meaningful Relationships, click here:
www.languagealchemy.com/workshop
To ask your communication questions, click here:
www.languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To join the mailing list, visit: www.languagealchemy.com
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow:
www.open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

34. Conscious Defending from Gaslighting

With the devastating war occurring in Ukraine, host Alejandra Siroka reflects on the power of language. Although language has the power to heal, it can also lead us to our destruction. With this in mind, Alejandra explores the darker side of speech: gaslighting.
Often in unequal relationships, the person with more power uses gaslighting to manipulate others. By causing the other person to doubt their experience or dismiss their feelings, the manipulator can make them feel more vulnerable or dependent. To combat this toxic dynamic, Alejandra lays out the key signs of gaslighting and reminds her audience to always assert their truth.
Tune into this week’s episode of the Language Alchemy Podcast for a straightforward conversation on gaslighting. Learn more about psychological manipulation, how false political narratives mislead us into war, and the communication tools needed to combat gaslighting in relationships.
Quotes
• “It's important to remember that language has the power to heal and the power to destroy. Language has the power to bring us to war.” (1:08 - 1:21)
• “Gaslighting doesn't just happen in movies. It can happen in any relationship.” (4:47 - 4:53)
• “Gaslighting is lying to obtain an advantage to oneself while misleading the other person so that they question what they experienced as true.” (7:15 - 7:26)
• “Gaslighting tends to happen in relationships where there's a power imbalance. The person who does the gaslighting has a perceived position of power, and they see the other as vulnerable or fearful.” (7:45 - 8:01)
• “You need to have the transformative communication tools to engage in conscious defense if you are in a relationship in which there is gaslighting. To engage in conscious defense, you need to assert yourself.” ( 12:31 - 12:47)
• “May you be aware of the power of your language, and may you choose to communicate in ways that bring forth peace and healing.” (15:23 -15:32)
Links
To ask your communication questions, click here:
www.languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To join the mailing list, visit: www.languagealchemy.com
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow:
www.open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

33. How to talk to women so they connect to their worth

With International Women’s Day on the horizon, host Alejandra Siroka recognizes the value of celebrating women. By supporting women, we remind them of their worth, improving society as a whole. With her experience coaching women and as a woman herself, Alejandra breaks down concrete language suggestions that can raise up the women in your lives.
Historically, and even now, many women are minimized by their well-intentioned loved ones. By ignoring young girls’ accomplishments and having separate rules for daughters and sons, we send a message that women are less than in society and culture. By changing the tone and descriptive words we use and highlighting powerful women, we can change the narrative and allow women to recognize their full potential.
Tune into this week’s episode of Language Alchemy for an educational discussion on positive communication with women. Learn more about Alejandra’s five language tools to uplift women, the negative messages women receive, and why supporting women helps us all succeed.
Quotes
• “When we support women to thrive, we all thrive.” (1:44 - 1:48)
• “When we contribute to women having the same opportunities as men, we have more members of our human family believing, communicating, and behaving with confidence, with trust in their capacity, dignity, and shared power. And this is the kind of mindset needed to thrive.” (1:44 - 2:12)
• “I’ve coached lots of women, and I'm a woman who comes from a family of mostly women and who's worked in professions where most of my peers were women. I don't know one single woman who hasn't received messages about our place, worth, and role in society as dependent, vulnerable, or incapable beings. We've heard these messages from our loving and well-intentioned parents, from teachers, from authority figures, from society, from arts and culture, and other women.” (2:33 - 3:22)
• “Want a world in which all female members of our human family know their value, their worth, trust their capacity, and believe that they too can realize their full potential and thrive?” (9:00 - 9:22)
• “Communication is not just about the words we use. It's about the tone and how you say these words. If you call women or girls sensitive, say it with a positive tone of voice because someone sensitive has access to their feelings. And someone who has access to their feelings, has empathy and compassion for others. And someone who has empathy and compassion for others is someone who's able to take action for positive change.” (11:36 - 12:11)
• "You have the wonderful opportunity to change the message for all the women in your life. You can communicate that you see their capacity and support their success." (9:24 - 9:46)
Links
The Ugly Truth about You Look Beautiful 3-minute video:
https://www.languagealchemy.com/blog/the-ugly-truth-about-you-look-beautiful
For more resources about communication, go to:
https://www.languagealchemy.com/blogandvideo
To ask your communication questions, click here:
https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To join the mailing list, visit:
www.languagealchemy.com
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow:
https://open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI

32. Nurturing intimacy in a busy world

Valentine’s Day has come and gone, but you can take the most important part of the holiday with you.
Can you guess what that is?
One commonality most holidays share is the opportunity for intimacy with those who matter most.
“Intimacy” comes from 2 Latin words: the word intimus, which means inmost, and intimare, which means to know deeply.
So, you could say holidays are a chance to get a clear impression of someone and reconnect. However, you don’t have to wait for the holidays to become reacquainted with them on a deeper level.
We’re all busy in our day-to-day lives, but carving out moments for intimacy doesn’t have to be a time-consuming, arduous process.
I’d like to share 3 transformative communication tools for nurturing intimacy between you and your loved ones. Whether it’s a partner, spouse, or someone else you love, putting these into practice can help you show them they matter to you.
Takeaways from this episode:
- 2 roadblocks to communication include our busy schedules and the fact we’re constantly changing. Then, when we finally check in with our loved ones, we may feel distant.
- Simply talking to one another doesn’t foster intimacy, especially when it’s accompanied by multitasking.
- Promoting intimate communication helps keep your relationship alive and well and can take as little as 30 seconds.
--- LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
Connect with me on Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/languagealchemy
For more resources about communication, go to:
https://www.languagealchemy.com/blogandvideo
To ask your communication questions, click here:
https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To join the mailing list, visit:
www.languagealchemy.com
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow:
https://open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
Produced by The Podcast Space, LLC.