The Language Alchemy Podcast

48. How Dads Can Communicate with Emotional Awareness an Interview with Brian Wood

“Emotions, tantrums, or even lashing out at parents are okay and shouldn't be curtailed,” explains guest Brian Wood. Alejandra describes her friend Brian’s communication style with his son as empathically mindful. Today, Brian and Alejandra discuss how other fathers can engage with increased emotional awareness right in time for Father’s Day.
Brian acknowledges that his father came from a generation that had difficulty expressing themselves, especially to their children. When he became a father, Brian and his wife worked to get tools and resources to ensure this dynamic wouldn’t repeat itself. By looking at his son’s non-verbal cues, Brian tailors his responses to be helpful to the development of his son.
Tune into this week’s episode of The Language Alchemy Podcast for a supportive conversation on improving fathers’ communication. Learn more about Brian’s relationship with his Dad, how parenting doesn’t need to involve rewards or punishments, and why your kids need to feel loved no matter what they do.
Quotes
• “When building the communication of a relationship, it's important to look at non-verbal flags.” (14:19 - 14:26 | Brian)
• “Emotions, tantrums, or even lashing out at parents are okay and shouldn't be curtailed. Everyone should be kept safe, but the child must undergo that process.” (14:44 - 14:58 | Brian)
• "And then we'll sit with him and be with him and try to be there to connect with him. And when I see him pushing away because of what I said, like, you know, how does this feel to you? Or I'm like, “I'm getting a little too in there emotionally, then that's my cue to be like, maybe I'm just sitting with him, and maybe, I put my hand on his back as he's bearing his face in his pillow." (15:10 - 15:32 | Brian)
• “What's nurturing is creating the connection between us wherever I can find some common ground for him.” (17:47 - 18:04 | Brian)
• "I believe that kids need permission to be messy, loud, and annoying, and to know they are still loved.” (32:43 - 32:59 | Brian)
Links
To ask your communication questions, click here:
languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To join the mailing list, visit: languagealchemy.com
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow:
open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

47. We’ve Been a Bystander for Way too Long. Time to Become an Upstander.

“The lessons of history can help educators and students stand up to bigotry and hate,” says Brian Fong, Program Director for the California Facing History and Ourselves chapter. Through this organization, Brian works to help others engage in complex topics, such as race and sexuality. Ultimately, Brian aims to nurture an empathetically challenging environment to facilitate positive change.
During his first year of teaching, Brian faced his blind spots through his diverse body of students. Realizing that he needed to become an upstander in society, a person who defends those different from them, Brian began his journey promoting inclusion. He encourages the listeners to have brave conversations that can foster change.
Tune into this week’s episode of The Language Alchemy Podcast for a straightforward conversation on disrupting the bystander effect. Learn more how you can respond as an upstander when you hear someone making an intolerant comment.
Quotes
• “The lessons of history can help educators and students stand up to bigotry and hate.” (3:40 - 3:45 | Brian)
• “We can talk to one another to prolong a dialogue rather than shut down a conversation.” (14:49 - 14:56 | Brian)
• "Being an upstander is tiring, and it's challenging. The more we can have allies and the more people are willing to embrace an upstander mindset, the less burdensome it becomes.” (28:05 - 28:18 | Brian)
• “Let's find ways that we can be upstanders together because that will make it easier for this to be the norm, rather than by bystanding." (28:20 - 28:28 | Brian)
• “The less we have opportunities to sit in each other's company to share our stories, the less we learn, and the more that we allow other stories and other narratives to be told about us rather than by us for one another.” (31:43 - 31:56 | Brian)
Links
To learn about Facing History and Ourselves and donate, click here:
https://info.facinghistory.org/san-francisco-bay-area-25th-anniversary
To view Loretta Ross Ted Talk, click here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xw_720iQDss
To ask your communication questions, click here:
languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To join the mailing list, visit: languagealchemy.com
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow:
open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

46. How to Respond to Microaggressions

“You and I both can bring about equality and equity by using an inclusive language that decreases the impact of microaggressions for all the members of our human family,” explains host Alejandra.
People who are members of marginalized groups experience microaggressions frequently due to other people’s implicit biases based on things like their looks, skin color, disability status, religion, gender identity, and sexual orientation.
Having experienced instances of microaggressions herself, Alejandra shares the most effective ways to respond when either experiencing or witnessing a microaggression.
Most microaggressions aren’t done intentionally and rather are caused by a person’s hidden biases. If you’re often on the receiving end of these types of interactions or you witness them frequently, there are several effective ways you could respond.
You may choose not to respond due to concern for your own safety, shock in the moment, or simply not knowing what to say. There’s nothing wrong with keeping quiet, but you may later regret not having spoken up about the microaggression impacted you.
By having these strategies in your pocket, you can be more prepared to confront any microaggressions you encounter. The top four strategies for responding to microaggressions without being reactive are: asking for clarification, separating the person’s intention from the impact it had on your emotions, challenging the implied stereotypes, and sharing your own learning process to explain why their words or actions were hurtful.
Tune into this week’s episode of Language Alchemy Podcast for an informative conversation about microaggressions, how they tie into implicit biases, and the long lasting impact they have on the recipient.
Learn how to respond when you are on the receiving end of microaggressions or when you witness it happening to others.
Quotes
• “Have you ever had repeated experiences of people saying things to you or doing things in your presence, things that seem benign on the surface, but when you hear them you experience an internal Ouch, because what that person said excluded you in some way and made you feel like an other? In those instances you might have been experiencing microaggressions.” (1:35-2:03 | Alejandra)
• “The impact of microaggressions can go beyond feeling hurt in the moment. There are many psychological studies that point to long term psychological issues, such as trauma, anxiety, depression, and even suicidal ideation.” (15:54-16:10 | Alejandra)
• “If you choose to keep quiet in response to a microaggression, it would be important to reflect on whether you would later on regret not having said anything, or maybe you can choose to say something later and communicate skillfully.” (17:25-17:43 | Alejandra)
• “You and I both can bring about equality and equity by using an inclusive language that decreases the impact of microaggressions for all the members of our human family.” (23:41-25:54 | Alejandra)
Links:
To get the free guide 5 Steps to Redirect Your Reactivity, click here: languagealchemy.com/5steps
To save your spot for Choosing True Connection online course, click here: https://www.languagealchemy.com/enroll
To see Diane Goodman's strategies to respond to microaggressions, click here: https://dianegoodman.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/Responding-to-Microaggressions-and-Bias-Goodman332.pdf
To ask your communication questions, click here: languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To listen to episode 45 on Hidden Biases, click here:
https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcasts/language-alchemy-podcast/episodes/2147737468
To join the mailing list, visit: languagealchemy.com
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow:
open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

45. 3 Tools to Uncover Hidden Biases in Your Internal Dialogue

“Unless we work on the messages we inherited, we just perpetuate them,” explains host Alejandra. After the murder of George Floyd, many people have reflected on what their hidden biases are and how these behaviors impact society. With years of this type of self-exploration, Alejandra breaks down the tools needed to reframe your internal dialogue and evaluate your views on racism and intolerance.
Like most people, Alejandra was not always aware of how she internalized racist messaging. But for the past few decades, she has made a habit of listening to her internal dialogue and stopping herself when an intolerant thought seeps in. By practicing empathy towards others and sitting with the consequences of certain behaviors, we can move past society’s lies and work towards making the world a more loving and connecting place.
Tune into this week’s episode of Language Alchemy Podcast for a helpful conversation about uncovering hidden biases. Learn more about Alejandra’s experience with hidden biases, why you should hold yourself accountable with your communication, and how self-exploration leads to positive action.
Quotes
• “Transformation starts within. My work with my hidden biases began by examining my internal language regarding issues of racism and intolerance.” (2:36 - 2:49 | Alejandra)
• “Unless we work on the messages we inherited, we just perpetuate them.” (9:15 - 9:20 | Alejandra)
• “When you do this work, what you find on the other side is more connectedness, capacity, and love in your heart, which moves you to take skillful actions.” (12:42 - 12:56 | Alejandra)
• “How we use our language has the ability to help us evolve.” (15:50 - 15:55 | Alejandra)
• “If we want to have a more tolerant and a more compassionate world for all of us, and by us, and especially referring to the precious Black members of our human family, then we need to do and continue to do the work that's needed to heal or to evolve or both. And this work starts at the most local level. And that is our internal dialogue.” (16:51 - 17:21 | Alejandra)
Links
To ask your communication questions, click here:
languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To join the mailing list, visit: languagealchemy.com
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow:
open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

44. How to Talk About Race and Racism

After the tragic murder of George Floyd, many people worldwide woke up to the importance of discussing race and equity. With a desire to respectfully navigate these critical conversations, many clients sought host Alejandra’s communication advice. As a result, Alejandra promotes literature to further the dialogue, such as Ijeoma Oluo's So You Want to Talk About Race.
Ijeoma Oluo's So You Want to Talk About Race is a powerful book from start to finish. By reading an excerpt from the introduction, Alejandra highlights how well Ijeoma Oluo articulates her complex experience as a Black woman in the United States. Although it may be challenging to put yourself in the shoes of another, it is crucial to work past your defensiveness and accept the truth of another group’s reality. Ultimately, if non-Black people research before discussing difficult topics and commit to unlearning dangerous norms, we can create a better world for the human family.
Tune into this week’s episode of the Language Alchemy Podcast for a critical conversation on race and racism. Learn more about the lessons Ijeoma Oluo teaches, how to move past your triggers, and why we should be willing to feel uncomfortable when discussing systematic oppression.
Quotes:
• “I want you to know that if you think that talking about race and equity is hard, that is completely accurate. It's hard for many reasons. One of them is because when you have a conversation about race, you need to be willing or at least aware that you will be talking about history about racial oppression, social constructs, unconscious biases, unjust and pain generating systems and structures, and political and economic power especially in the United States.” [Alejandra] (2:08 - 3:06)
• “You have to be willing to get messy and come out of these conversations with perhaps more questions than answers with the likelihood of no immediate resolutions other than the commitment to stay in the conversation for the benefit of all beings.” [Alejandra] (3:24 - 3:42)
• “We must all traverse if we want to bring more peace, justice, and equity to our human family.” [Alejandra] (5:21 - 5:29)
• “We cannot understand race and racial oppression if we cannot talk about it.” [Alejandra] (10:11 - 10:16)
• “These conversations aren't easy. Neither is growing up or evolving, but you and I must learn to have these conversations if we'd like to have a reality without racism and racial oppression.” [Alejandra] (18:14 - 18:30)
Links:
To visit Ijeoma Oluo's website, click here: https://www.ijeomaoluo.com
To purchase Ijeoma Oluo's So You Want to Talk About Race book, click here: https://www.indiebound.org/book/9781580058827
To ask your communication question, click here: languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To join the mailing list, visit: languagealchemy.com
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

43. Intentional Language in Meaningful Music: An Interview with Gary Lapow

“I wanted to be part of that stream of music that could change people’s minds and hearts,” explains Gary Lapow, the composer for the Language Alchemy Podcast music. Gary writes music to reflect different times in his life with a desire to provide hope. Today, host Alejandra and Gary discuss the power of music and how it can be a communication tool to make the world a more inclusive place.
Gary has had a fascinating musical journey centered around social justice and bringing people’s stories to light. He has used music to spread positivity and love, from touring with the Freedom Singers to leading kids through inclusive songs. Ultimately, Gary believes that music is more significant than himself and an effective way to bring people together and voice what it means to be human.
Tune into this week’s episode of the Language Alchemy Podcast for an inspirational conversation on making meaningful music. Learn more about Gary’s experience with the civil rights movement, his introduction to the folk genre, and how he only wants to make music that spreads peace.
Quotes
• “At different times in my life, whatever I'm going through, that's what my music is about.” (3:38 - 3:43)
• “There was a dedication to making the world better, at least what little bit we can do as artists, making a momentary situation where audiences felt united. And that's been something that I've done for decades.” (5:31 - 5:53)
• “I wanted to be part of that stream of music that could change people’s minds and hearts.” (10:40 - 10:48)
• “I felt so thankful that I was able to give a voice to what people were thinking and feeling. But we took that responsibility very seriously.” (12:26 - 12:35)
• “What does it mean to be a decent person? Just positive messages, how can I send positive messages and everybody's having so much fun, the audience does not realize they're being preached that because they're not really being preached at, they are having a good time. And they're saying these words, and these words are all affirmations, of decency, how to be a decent person.” (15:40 - 16:05)
• “The only songs I really want to share with people are songs about love and peacefulness.” (19:28 - 19:38)
Links
To visit Gary Lapow's website, click here: https://www.garylapowart.com/
To listen to Gary's music on YouTube, click here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC3CGPolyAqmlRwji49_GEAA
To follow Gary on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/garylapowart/
To ask your communication question, click here: languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To join the mailing list, visit: Languagealchemy.com
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

42. Your Communication Gift on Mother’s Day

“When you redirect your reactivity, you choose to communicate in a peaceful way,” explains host Alejandra. With Mother’s Day on the horizon, Alejandra understands that communicating with your mother can be challenging. Today, Alejandra breaks down helpful language tools that you can use with your mother to ensure reconciliation and peace on this day.
The best gift you can give your mother on Mother’s day is the gift of peace. Although it can be easy to give into past wounds or react to specific triggers, you can take a step towards connection and make a more positive choice. By reminding yourself of your intention before communicating, the relationship can lead towards healing, and your mother will have what she wants most of all: to feel the connection with your child.
Tune into this week’s episode of Language Alchemy Podcast for a loving conversation on communicating with your mother. Learn more about the origins of Mother’s Day, how to redirect your reactivity, and ways to remind your mother that you care.
Quotes
• “When you redirect your reactivity, you choose to communicate in a peaceful way.” (8:20 - 8:26)
• “Think about your mother and do something that reminds you of your intention before you call her or talk to her. Don't do it in a rush. Give yourself and your mother some time.” (9:10 - 9:23)
• “You are giving your mother a beautiful gift. Stick to it. If she goes into the past, just take a breath and let it slide.” (11:23 - 11:33)
• “Whatever your children do on Mother's Day, whatever gift they give you, whatever message they communicate to you on a card, the phone, or video call, make the intention to receive what they're offering you as a gift from the heart. (13:15 - 13:41)
• “Whatever you do on Mother's Day, whether you're giving a gift to your mother or you are receiving a gift from someone, may your communication be in alignment with what you'd like to honor.” (14:25 - 14:40)
Links:
To get the free guide 5 Steps to Redirect Your Reactivity, click here: languagealchemy.com/5steps
To read Julia Ward Howe's Mother's Day Proclamation, click here:
https://peacealliance.org/history-of-mothers-day-as-a-day-of-peace-julia-ward-howe/
To ask your communication question, click here:
languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To join the mailing list, visit:
Languagealchemy.com
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow:
open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDIPodcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

41. We’re All Going Through Stress

From the pandemic to world war, human beings deal with a good amount of stress. As a result, we behave in damaging ways, such as acting defensive to those around us. Today, host Alejandra breaks down the different reactions to stress and how we can communicate more mindfully in our daily lives.
Due to the pandemic, our human family is more disconnected than ever. Since we are social creatures, this has caused an abundance of stress that has negatively affected our communication with one another. However, Alejandra explains that if we acknowledge our anxiety and become connected to our true feelings, we will be able to increase our capacity for ourselves and others. After all, genuine human connection will ultimately relieve us from the damaging experience of stress.
Tune into this week’s episode of Language Alchemy Podcast for a sensitive conversation on reacting to stress. Learn more about the signs of reactivity, the social consequences caused by the pandemic, and how becoming self-connected leads to more positive behavior.
Quotes
• “We're having a serious problem as a human family, especially in highly industrialized countries. And that problem is that we are reacting to stress in ways that are extremely harmful.” (1:04 - 1:18)
• “Whenever we're fighting, we are reacting.” (3:43 - 3:45)
• “Reaction is when you repeat your communication and behavior in response to an experience.” (5:43 - 5:52)
• “The more self-connected you are, the less likely you are to behave in self destructive ways.” (10:34 - 10:41)
“By connecting with yourself, you connect to your capacity. And by connecting to your capacity, you connect to your ability to take care of yourself, which then offers you the true possibility of relieving yourself from the experience of stress.” (11:51 - 12:14)
Links:
To get the free guide 5 Steps to Redirect Your Reactivity, click here: languagealchemy.com/5steps
To read article published on Atlantic Why People Are Acting So Weird:
https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2022/03/antisocial-behavior-crime-violence-increase-pandemic/627076/?utm_source=pocket&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=pockethits&cta=1&src=ph&utm_source=pocket_mylist
To ask your communication questions, click here: languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To join the mailing list, visit: languagealchemy.com
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

40. 3 Myths About Healthy Relationships

“I don't know any truly healthy relationship that has not had its good share of difficulties,” explains host Alejandra. Alejandra realizes that it’s natural for people to seek healthy relationships and debunks the everyday myths that prevent real connection. After all, we may not realize that our communication style prevents us from the relationships we want, something highlighted in Alejandra’s upcoming Choosing True Connection course.
One of the most common myths about healthy relationships is that they are supposed to be easy and fun. However, this is an impossible standard as even the closest confidants can have conflicting worldviews and disagreements. Although relationship difficulties are inevitable, mindful listening and communication skills can help both parties feel safe, strengthening their bond.
Tune into this week’s episode of Language Alchemy Podcast for a demystifying conversation on typical relationship myths. Learn more about “chemistry’s” role in forming a social connection, the consequences of superficial dynamics, and how even the best relationships experience conflict.
Quotes
• “I don't know any truly healthy relationship that has not had its good share of difficulties, disagreements, and different views. I can tell you that my closest friendships are with people who were able to go through difficulties with me, disagree with me, and have different perspectives.” (00:01 - 00:25)
• “If you want to have healthy relationships in your life, then you must be aware of how you're communicating.” (2:17 - 2:26)
• “Good chemistry alone is not the most important foundation for a healthy relationship. And when I talk about relationships, I'm not just talking about romantic relationships. You can think of it as a friendship, you can think about a professional partnership. In fact, I'm sure you've had the experience in your life of meeting someone you didn't have good chemistry with in the beginning, maybe you didn't even like this person. But in time, you learn to be more receptive to that person, so much so that the person you didn't have good chemistry with is now your spouse, your best friend, your greatest ally. So good chemistry is useful. But it is not the foundation of a healthy relationship.” (6:22 - 7:14)
• “The myth that healthy relationships are always easy, pleasant, and fun is plain and simple a lie. And if you're holding such a story as true, then you need to take an honest look at your relationships and realize that you need to be able to communicate with others.” (9:46 - 10:07)
• “Healthy relationships are relationships in which both parties can go through difficulties, disagreements, and different views and then find a way to achieve greater connection.” (11:25 - 11:41)
• “When both members of the relationship feel safe with one another, then you can have a truly healthy relationship.” (13:12 - 13:23)
Links:
To sign up for 6-week online course Choosing True Connection: Learning to Listen without Losing Your Cool, Taking it Personally, or Giving Up Who You Truly Are, click here: languagealchemy.com/enroll
To ask your communication questions, click here: languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To join the mailing list, visit: languagealchemy.com
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

39. A Communication Skill You Don’t Often Hear About

“Skillful listening is as important, or perhaps even more important, than skillful speaking,” says host Alejandra. Through her work as a communication coach, Alejandra discovered that skillful listeners were the best communicators. Now, she teaches her clients how to use their listening skills to strengthen their relationships and interactions with others.
Alejandra understands that communicating with people with different political or world views may be challenging. However, she also understands that the best communicators can avoid potential triggers by making space and listening to what the other person is saying before reacting. After all, effective communication is a two-way street, and when people feel heard, they can feel safe to be themselves.
Tune into this week’s episode of Language Alchemy Podcast for a practical conversation on skillful listening. Learn more about communicating with people different from you, why skillful listening is as essential as speaking, and how to have stronger connections to your loved ones and community.
Quotes
• “When we communicate skillfully, we can enter a place of unity or connection with another person.” (0:15 - 0:23)
• “Transformative communication is not just about being able to say what we mean because communication is not a one-person activity. There is another person involved. When we communicate skillfully, we can enter a place of unity or connection with another person.” (3:04 - 3:23)
• “Skillful listening is as important or perhaps even more important than skillful speaking.” (4:41 - 4:49)
• “After learning to listen, I started teaching my coaching clients to do this. And well, the outcome. Oh, it's been precious. Couples about to separate found a new sense of joy and love and chose to stay together. Families heading towards estrangement were able to experience closeness again. People who felt lonely and isolated learned to have friends and even form communities, all because they learned to listen skillfully. The thing is that when we learn to listen to another human being, we include them. And when we include another person, we make space for the response or reaction. And we understand that the response or reaction is not a problem. It's just communication.” (6:00 - 6:59)
• “When we are listened to, we feel safe to be who we are. We feel safe expressing ourselves authentically.” (9:11 - 9:20)
• “My wish for you is that you may be open to learning to listen because that's where the gold of communication is.” (11:31 - 11:39)
Links
To sign up for 6-week online course Choosing True Connection: Learning to Listen without Losing Your Cool, Taking it Personally, or Giving Up Who You Truly Are, click here: www.languagealchemy.com/enroll
To ask your communication questions, click here:
languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To join the mailing list, visit:languagealchemy.com
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow:
open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm