The Language Alchemy Podcast

56. Why Is It Hard to Communicate Feelings? Communicating Feelings Part 2

“It's easy to communicate what we have learned to communicate,” explains host Alejandra. Alejandra has seen how difficult it is to communicate feelings throughout her career as a transformative communication teacher and coach. In part two of her “Communicating Feelings” series, Alejandra provides helpful tools that positively allow self-expression.
Our teachers and parents were our primary communication influences when we were children. And we often learned evaluative communication skills but not much about communicating our emotional state. Ultimately, whatever we were taught when we were kids shapes our adult lives, but with practice, we can connect to our internal experience
Tune into this week’s episode of Language Alchemy Podcast for an empathetic conversation on the challenges of expressing feelings. Learn more about why it’s easier to communicate what you think versus how you feel, how culture influences communication, and actions you can take to connect to this area of your life.
Quotes
• “It's easy to communicate when we have learned to communicate. It's easy to communicate when we’ve had a lot of practice communicating.” (2:27-2:35 | Alejandra)
• “One of the reasons why it's so difficult to communicate feelings is because you were not taught how to.” (6:26-6:32 | Alejandra)
• “If you don't know how to connect with the emotional aspect of yourself, please understand that this is normal. You are perfectly normal because you communicate what you learned to communicate.” (9:36-9:51 | Alejandra)
• “Depending on what feelings were accepted in your culture and layers of culture, you may have more ease communicating some feelings, but not others.” (12:18-12:26 | Alejandra)
• “I had to learn to communicate my feelings too. So I know that if I could do it, you can too.” (16:15-16:22 | Alejandra)
Links
To participate in the podcast anniversary celebration and raffle, click here: languagealchemy.com/podcastanniversary
To join the mailing list, visit: languagealchemy.com
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

55. Your Internal Communication System. Communicating Feelings Part 1

“If you find it hard to talk about your feelings and communicate, you're not alone,” says host Alejandra. As a transformative communication teacher and coach, Alejandra knows that discussing your feelings is challenging. In part one of her internal communication series, Alejandra provides helpful tips for effectively sharing with others.
Through tangible examples and inquiry exercises, Alejandra defines what feelings genuinely are and how we experience them in our bodies. By connecting to our internal communication system, we can understand what we’re really experiencing to prevent miscommunication. Ultimately, we must listen to the messages our feelings tell us to understand better how we are and how to move forward.
Tune into this week’s episode of the Language Alchemy podcast for a thoughtful conversation on communicating your feelings. Learn more about what feelings are, the layers of our experience, and how to listen to your internal communication system.
Quotes
• “If you find it hard to talk about your feelings and communicate, you're not alone.” (1:17-1:24 | Alejandra)
• “Feelings are messengers that communicate to us something important about our experience.” (6:42-6:49 | Alejandra)
• “Feelings are a fundamental aspect of our internal communication system. And when we don't pay attention to them, we're having an internal miscommunication.” (6:59-7:11 | Alejandra)
• “When you are aware of what your feelings are communicating to you, you can discover your unconscious biases and beliefs. You can uncover your precious needs. You can contact your core values, deep longings, qualities, and capacities, and you can turn them into skillful actions.” (8:37-8:58 | Alejandra)
• “If you are the kind of person who's trying to optimize or upgrade your operating system without understanding your feelings, each upgrade will present more bugs and glitches.” (9:10-9:22 | Alejandra)
Links
To participate in the podcast anniversary celebration and raffle, click here:
languagealchemy.com/podcastanniversary
To join the mailing list, visit: languagealchemy.com
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow:
open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

54. Building Your Communication Toolbox in 7 Steps

“You don’t have to be a therapist, a coach, or a leader, you can just be a caring human,” Alejandra says of anyone using the many tools in her communication toolbox. True, a few of the seven listeners featured, who recently called in to comment on the way they approach Alejandra’s content and how it’s helped them, are actual therapists. Ellen, Alejandra’s “mother-in-love,” remarks upon the divine timing of Alejandra’s chosen topics, and she used many of the tools in a recent session with her own client. Shannon acts as a conduit for Alejandra’s message, turning others on to the podcast. Rebecca demonstrates the importance of recognizing your communication needs and choosing among the resources accordingly, while Karen gains insight into different communication methods just from reading the titles of the podcasts.
Alejandra follows up each example with a takeaway and a summary of what we can learn from each listener’s approach to the podcast, and how the tools presented in each podcast can be optimally incorporated into our own lives.
Join Alejandra to hear how you can be entered into a raffle to win prizes, including a private coaching session with Alejandra, and to receive a bonus at the end of the episode.
Quotes
• “To connect to your needs, you can ask yourself, ‘What’s happening in my life and relationships right now, and how can I enhance, heal, and support my life and relationships?” (3:37-3:49 | Alejandra)
• “Alejandra, I just really want to thank you so much for this work that you’re doing. It’s incredibly important to reach as many people as you are to raise the consciousness of how we communicate with each other.” (4:19-4:36 | Karen)
• “The fact that your episodes are shorter and more accessible really makes that barrier to people getting into what you have to share a lot easier.” (9:48-10:00 | Shannon)
• “Another way you can use this podcast to build your transformative communication toolbox is by subscribing to it every week, listening to it every week, so every week you’re picking up tools and letting these tools integrate with you so much so that when the moment comes you can mix and match them and support others in their communication.” (8:02-8:24 | Alejandra) 
• “When we transform the way we communicate, we transform our lives and relationships.” (11:39-11:45 | Alejandra)
Links
To participate in the podcast anniversary celebration and raffle, click here:
languagealchemy.com/podcastanniversary
To join the mailing list, visit: languagealchemy.com
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow:
open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

53. What You Need to Pay Attention to if You Want to Have Meaningful Celebrations

“Language sets you up for something meaningful,” explains host Alejandra. As many of you know, the Language Alchemy Podcast recently celebrated its first anniversary with a virtual party. Reflecting on the success of this fantastic milestone, Alejandra shares the three components of throwing a thoughtful and joyful event.
As a transformative communication teacher and coach, Alejandra understands how language sets the tone for meaningful celebrations. By demonstrating how grateful you are for the people who show up for you, you can create a connection with your community and curate a positive experience for your guests. Whether you want your celebration to be tender, deep, or simply fun, how you interact with others is key.
Tune into this week’s episode of The Language Alchemy Podcast for a helpful conversation on throwing meaningful celebrations. Learn more about the podcast’s live anniversary party, how language influences positive interactions and ways to express gratitude for the people around you.
Quotes
• “Language sets you up for something meaningful.” (5:36-5:40| Alejandra)
• “If you want the celebration to be deep, you must be willing to be the first one to be deep. If you want the celebration to be tender, you need to be willing to be tender.” (6:02-6:13| Alejandra)
• “A celebration is an expression of acknowledgment. It is an expression of gratitude.” (11:41-11:47| Alejandra)
• “In this episode, I share with you three important elements to have in a celebration if you would like that celebration to be meaningful. These elements are number one, preparing your guests for a meaningful celebration with the language you use in the invitation. Number two, reflect on the meaningful characteristics you'd like the celebration to have and be willing to embody those characteristics through the way you communicate. And number three, expressing gratitude using a specific language.” (16:10-16:44| Alejandra)
• “Next time you want to have a meaningful celebration, now you know how to use language alchemy to transform what could be an ordinary event into a meaningful one.” (16:46-16:58| Alejandra)
Links
To participate in the podcast anniversary celebration and raffle, click here:
languagealchemy.com/podcastanniversary
To ask your communication questions, click here:
languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To join the mailing list, visit: languagealchemy.com
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow:
open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

52. Building a More Caring Work Experience - Part 2

“In this country, because English is my first language, that could be seen as a privilege,” explains Nancy Kahn, Consultant, Coach, Trainer, Mediator, and host Alejandra’s first Communication Teacher. In today’s episode of The Language Alchemy Podcast, Nancy Kahn returns to discuss how to build a more caring work experience. Through Nancy's insights, the listeners gain valuable tools to disrupt harmful power dynamics.
Nancy understands that attending to our most marginalized groups helps us all. If we treat others who are different then us with dignity and respect, we will inevitably ensure respect for all, including ourselves. By creating space for others in and out of the workplace, we can improve our communication with one another and build a kinder, more equitable world.
Tune into this week’s episode of the Language Alchemy Podcast for an insightful conversation on creating inclusive work environments. Learn more about the role of power dynamics, the definition of an ally, and how to attend to harm and develop trust.
Quotes
• “In this country, because English is my first language, that could be seen as a privilege because somebody isn't going to question or put down how I'm speaking English when that happens to people in this country who don't speak English as their first language.” (3:00-3:21 | Nancy)
• “An ally is somebody who may have the privilege and positional power, often people who might identify as white, or cisgender, or in any way that you may experience privilege in society.” (5:15-5:30 | Nancy)
• “When harm happens, it doesn't mean that wrongdoing has happened. But it is important to be able to attend to the harm to restore trust.” (9:34-9:42)
• “We need to develop the ability to self-reflect and to defend ourselves so that we don't arm up and shield ourselves and get reactive.” (11:59-12:12 | Nancy)
• “We can learn from each other and create a culture where it's okay.” 17:10-17:16 | Nancy)
Links
To listen to Nancy's Radio program, click here:
www.talkitoutradio.wordpress.com
To find out more about Nancy Kahn's work, click here:
www.compassnarratives.com
To participate in podcast anniversary celebration and enter into the raffle, click here:
languagealchemy.com/podcastanniversary
To ask your communication questions, click here:
languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To join the mailing list, visit: languagealchemy.com
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow:
open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

51. Building a More Caring Work Experience. An Interview with Nancy Kahn - Part 1

“I want to have my identity embraced. I also want to be authentic with people,” explains Nancy Kahn, Consultant, Coach, Trainer, Mediator, and host Alejandra’s first Communication Teacher. Nancy helps individuals and teams learn and integrate communication practices and develops leadership and organizational systems aligned with anti-racist frameworks. A highly-skilled communication professional, Nancy shares her experiences in the field and the tools she uses to educate others.
As a Black and Jewish woman, Nancy is well aware of how systems of power use language to maintain themselves, often by inciting fear. Through her work, she can use her own intersectional identity to relate to her clients with authenticity and empathy, understanding that everybody wants their experiences validated. Ultimately, she teaches people to communicate with co-workers who are different from themselves because it is better to check in with each other than make assumptions.
Tune into this week’s episode of Language Alchemy Podcast for a stimulating conversation on building a caring work experience. Learn more about Nancy’s impressive communication leadership background, how she uses her intersectional identity to discuss complex topics, and the importance of working through unconscious bias.
Quotes
• “People might not know what my background is. And I find it very important to tell people what I am so that if I'm communicating about things that relate to my ancestry, I want people to know why I'm sharing these things and why I can bring them forward.” (7:35-7:55 | Nancy)
• “I want to have my identity embraced. I also want to be authentic with people.” (8:48-8:53 | Nancy)
• “I just want us to be able to create and maintain inclusive spaces where people can bring all of their identities and not feel concerned, scared, uncomfortable, or judged.” (9:41-9:55 | Nancy)
• “Any system that uses power over, whether it's a legal system, the government, even religious institutions, or law enforcement, there's a language that was developed to maintain those systems. And it's often keeping people reacting and responding from fear.” (17:15-17:37) Alejandra)
• “I've had to look at myself making assumptions about people, and I've learned that it's better to ask somebody than make assumptions.” (21:08-21:19| Alejandra)
Links
To listen to Nancy's Radio program, click here:
www.talkitoutradio.wordpress.com
To find out more about Nancy Kahn's work, click here:
www.compassnarratives.com
To sign up for the podcast anniversary Zoom party, click here:
languagealchemy.com/podcastanniversary
To ask your communication questions, click here:
languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To join the mailing list, visit: languagealchemy.com
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow:
open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

50. 3 Mistakes to Avoid When Starting a Difficult Conversation

“When you know that feelings might be present in a conversation, then that conversation may be difficult for you,” explains host Alejandra. Although any topic of conversation can be hard to discuss, it can be even more challenging for those who struggle with vulnerability. In time for the Language’s Alchemy Podcast’s first anniversary, Alejandra provides the listeners with helpful tips on starting a tough conversation.
The critical thing to remember when beginning a laborious conversation is not to call attention to the difficulty of the topic. By starting a conversation by saying, “We need to talk” or “Don’t get angry,” we’re preparing our loved ones to have an adverse reaction already. Instead, try approaching the conversation like it’s important rather than challenging, and you will have an easier time communicating.
Tune into this week’s episode of Language Alchemy Podcast for a clarifying conversation on how to start a difficult conversation. Learn more about the three common mistakes to avoid, more effective conversation tactics, and how to have stronger relationships with the people around you.
Quotes
• “A topic or a conversation that's difficult for one person is not necessarily difficult for another.” (3:09-3:16 | Alejandra)
• “When you know that feelings might be present in a conversation, then that conversation may be difficult for you, and when something is difficult for us, we may start with tentativeness, fear, exaggerated caution, and even end up complicating things for ourselves and others.” (4:28-4:52 | Alejandra)
• “One of the mistakes we make when we want to start a difficult conversation is that we say something like, we need to talk, or I need to talk to you. Now, if I say that to you, we need to talk. Most likely, when you hear those words, you get tense. You brace yourself. Or if you hear, I need to talk to you. Maybe you start getting ready to defend or to protect yourself. And if that is the case, it's going to be hard for you to stay open to me, be relaxed, and listen to what I like to say, right? Because of my words and the tone of my voice, we need to talk. I need to talk to you. They are already telling you something difficult or uncomfortable is about to happen.” (5:34-6:33 | Alejandra)
• “If you want a less difficult conversation, avoid starting the interaction with “We need to talk, or I need to talk to you.” (6:34-6:45 | Alejandra)
• “When you have an important conversation, this conversation can be beneficial for you and the other person because it can enhance your life, their life, and the relationship.” (12:00 - 12:12 | Alejandra)
Links
To sign up for the podcast anniversary Zoom party, click here:
languagealchemy.com/podcastanniversary
To ask your communication questions, click here:
languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To join the mailing list, visit: languagealchemy.com
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow:
open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

49. He, She, They? The Importance of Personal Pronouns

“It's important to make a commitment to avoiding assumptions about people because of the way they look,” says host Alejandra. In honor of Pride Month, Alejandra explains the importance of personal pronouns. By demonstrating why they are used in speech, Alejandra gives insight into how to adjust your communication skills to be more inclusive.
As a language teacher and communication coach, Alejandra understands that language is always evolving. When words are no longer an accurate reflection of our current world, it is natural for us to adjust. By using people’s correct personal pronouns, whether he, she, they, or something else, we are demonstrating a respect for our human family and the wonderful expression of identity.
Tune into this week’s episode of the Language Alchemy Podcast for an illuminating conversation on personal pronouns. Learn more about the different pronouns used in the English language, helpful ways to incorporate the pronoun “they” in daily communication, and how to use language to transform our world.
Quotes
• “It's important to make a commitment to avoiding assumptions about people because of the way they look. And to make sure that we're using people's correct personal pronouns as a way of respecting them.” (07:55-08:10 | Alejandra)
• “Language is a living organism. And as such, it's constantly changing and evolving.” (10:36-10:43 | Alejandra)
• “Our identity is way more complex than just a matter of preference or taste.” (17:20-17:26 | Alejandra)
• “We can communicate and live in a world where all of us feel safe to express ourselves, including the , , bisexual, transgender, , intersex, and asexual members of our human family.” (19:17-19:40 | Alejandra)
• “Remember, you and I can transform our world when we transform our language.” (20:14-20:21 | Alejandra)
Links
To learn more about pronouns, click here:
https://pronouns.org/
To ask your communication questions, click here:
languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To join the mailing list, visit: languagealchemy.com
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow:
open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

48. How Dads Can Communicate with Emotional Awareness an Interview with Brian Wood

“Emotions, tantrums, or even lashing out at parents are okay and shouldn't be curtailed,” explains guest Brian Wood. Alejandra describes her friend Brian’s communication style with his son as empathically mindful. Today, Brian and Alejandra discuss how other fathers can engage with increased emotional awareness right in time for Father’s Day.
Brian acknowledges that his father came from a generation that had difficulty expressing themselves, especially to their children. When he became a father, Brian and his wife worked to get tools and resources to ensure this dynamic wouldn’t repeat itself. By looking at his son’s non-verbal cues, Brian tailors his responses to be helpful to the development of his son.
Tune into this week’s episode of The Language Alchemy Podcast for a supportive conversation on improving fathers’ communication. Learn more about Brian’s relationship with his Dad, how parenting doesn’t need to involve rewards or punishments, and why your kids need to feel loved no matter what they do.
Quotes
• “When building the communication of a relationship, it's important to look at non-verbal flags.” (14:19 - 14:26 | Brian)
• “Emotions, tantrums, or even lashing out at parents are okay and shouldn't be curtailed. Everyone should be kept safe, but the child must undergo that process.” (14:44 - 14:58 | Brian)
• "And then we'll sit with him and be with him and try to be there to connect with him. And when I see him pushing away because of what I said, like, you know, how does this feel to you? Or I'm like, “I'm getting a little too in there emotionally, then that's my cue to be like, maybe I'm just sitting with him, and maybe, I put my hand on his back as he's bearing his face in his pillow." (15:10 - 15:32 | Brian)
• “What's nurturing is creating the connection between us wherever I can find some common ground for him.” (17:47 - 18:04 | Brian)
• "I believe that kids need permission to be messy, loud, and annoying, and to know they are still loved.” (32:43 - 32:59 | Brian)
Links
To ask your communication questions, click here:
languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To join the mailing list, visit: languagealchemy.com
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow:
open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

47. We’ve Been a Bystander for Way too Long. Time to Become an Upstander.

“The lessons of history can help educators and students stand up to bigotry and hate,” says Brian Fong, Program Director for the California Facing History and Ourselves chapter. Through this organization, Brian works to help others engage in complex topics, such as race and sexuality. Ultimately, Brian aims to nurture an empathetically challenging environment to facilitate positive change.
During his first year of teaching, Brian faced his blind spots through his diverse body of students. Realizing that he needed to become an upstander in society, a person who defends those different from them, Brian began his journey promoting inclusion. He encourages the listeners to have brave conversations that can foster change.
Tune into this week’s episode of The Language Alchemy Podcast for a straightforward conversation on disrupting the bystander effect. Learn more how you can respond as an upstander when you hear someone making an intolerant comment.
Quotes
• “The lessons of history can help educators and students stand up to bigotry and hate.” (3:40 - 3:45 | Brian)
• “We can talk to one another to prolong a dialogue rather than shut down a conversation.” (14:49 - 14:56 | Brian)
• "Being an upstander is tiring, and it's challenging. The more we can have allies and the more people are willing to embrace an upstander mindset, the less burdensome it becomes.” (28:05 - 28:18 | Brian)
• “Let's find ways that we can be upstanders together because that will make it easier for this to be the norm, rather than by bystanding." (28:20 - 28:28 | Brian)
• “The less we have opportunities to sit in each other's company to share our stories, the less we learn, and the more that we allow other stories and other narratives to be told about us rather than by us for one another.” (31:43 - 31:56 | Brian)
Links
To learn about Facing History and Ourselves and donate, click here:
https://info.facinghistory.org/san-francisco-bay-area-25th-anniversary
To view Loretta Ross Ted Talk, click here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xw_720iQDss
To ask your communication questions, click here:
languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To join the mailing list, visit: languagealchemy.com
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow:
open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm