The Language Alchemy Podcast

76. Your Future Self Will Thank You

“I know you have been learning, developing, and transforming your life and relationships. So give yourself the space to acknowledge yourself,” explains host Alejandra. In the last episode of 2022, Alejandra discusses the most critical aspects of the communication transformation process: celebrating our successes. Instead of focusing on what we still wish to change, Alejandra encourages us to take stock of our accomplishments and inner qualities.
Although mastering communication is an ongoing journey, we must take the time to recognize how far we’ve come. If we take the time to work on a relationship, whether with someone else or ourselves, we need to recognize those successful interactions. After all, if we feel good about what we’ve been able to accomplish, our brains will process that, remain calmer, and consistently learn as time goes on.
Appreciate your accomplishments as you enter 2023. Learn more about how our brains process positive affirmations, Alejandra’s student success stories, and use the 5 questions Alejandra offers you to reflect on your own accomplishments. 
Quotes
• “As we enter adulthood and maturity when we are in a journey of transformation, it's very important for our brains to not only recognize what's not working but also to acknowledge what has worked and what we have accomplished.” (3:08-3:26 | Alejandra) 
• “It is very important that you take the time to acknowledge your capacities, qualities, successes, and abilities to communicate with clarity, confidence, and compassion.” (6:11-6:25 | Alejandra) 
• “I am and will be a communication student until my last breath.” (12:15-12:20 | Alejandra) 
• “Recognize what you've been able to do in your relationships and life with your communication. Your brain needs this, and your future self will be deeply thankful.”(14:27-14:41 | Alejandra)
• “I know you have been learning, developing, and transforming your life and relationships. So give yourself the space to acknowledge yourself.” (17:06-17:16 | Alejandra)
 
Links
To share your transformation and get the 9 Crucial steps to prepare for an important conversation, visit: https://languagealchemy.socialv.io
To ask a question or request a topic, visit: languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To join the mailing list and view show notes, visit: languagealchemy.com
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

75. When You Don’t Like What You Hear

“We communicate in the way we learned to communicate, which means we can unlearn it,” explains host Alejandra. When Alejandra was a child, her father would tell her about a story of a scorpion who could not change his venomous ways due to his nature. Finding this story inaccurate, Alejandra shares how we can modify our behaviors in social interactions and communicate consciously.
In the scorpion story, the scorpion couldn’t help but sting the frog he asked for help, simply because he was a scorpion. While finding this a bleak and untrue message, Alejandra reminds the listeners that we can act differently if our habits no longer serve us. If we hear someone say something we do not like, we can choose not to react negatively or unfairly. Through self-reflection, we can understand our behavioral patterns and make helpful adjustments that lead to better results.
As adults, we always have the power to change. Learn more about the truth about human nature, why we can’t control others' behavior, and how to do something different if you’re not getting the reactions you want.
Quotes
• “We don't have to go along with our personality structures or habits. If we are aware of our personalities and behavior and communication patterns, we can choose to say or do something different.” (7:49-8:05 | Alejandra)  
• “We communicate in the way we learned to communicate, which means we can unlearn it and learn many different new ways that can give us different results.” (8:16-8:27 | Alejandra)
• “I'm not the same person I was ten or five years ago. I bet the same is true for you. I have a greater capacity to communicate and to decide How to behave. And I bet you too. And I've seen so many people I've worked with do the same people who, like the frog, trusted others who were supposed to be, quote-unquote, enemies, and they were not let down. In fact, they were supported and loved. I've also seen and worked with people who behaved like scorpions and made tremendous changes in their lives and chose not to sting others. Again, you are not the way you behave or the way you communicate. Because you like me, and all of us, you are a human adult who has choices.” (9:49-10:45 | Alejandra)
• “You can learn to do or say something different. If you give yourself the gift and space to reflect on this and journal, tap into your wish to have a different outcome.” (16:31-16:45 | Alejandra) 
• “You are a capable, loving, and compassionate human adult who has the ability to choose.” (17:43-17:51 | Alejandra) 
• “You can choose to do or say something different, especially when what you've been doing no longer works for you.” (19:04-19:14 | Alejandra) 
 
Links
To ask a question or request a topic, visit: languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To found out about your greatest self-sabotaging communication habit, visit: languagealchemy.com/quiz
To join the mailing list and view show notes, visit: languagealchemy.com
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

74. How to Communicate Well with Animals

“Just as humans often need help figuring out how to live their best lives, humans often need help helping their animals figure out how to live their best lives,” explains guest Shannon Bolt. As an animal care business owner and operator, Shannon understands animals deeply, particularly dogs and cats with behavioral needs. Today, Shannon and host Alejandra discuss tangible ways to communicate with our animals to enhance harmony in the home. 
When we speak to our pets, we often use words and tones that would be effective with other humans, rather than animals. We may believe that yelling at our dogs or cats will work, but this often leaves them in a position where they are confused and not sure what to do instead. By learning the constructive consequences for our animals and understanding their communication style, we can strengthen our bond with our fur babies, and give them happier lives as a result.
Although animals don’t have the same language as humans, they certainly communicate. Learn more about the miscommunication between pets and humans, bridging the language barrier, and how to make your animals feel seen and safe.
Quotes
• “Just as humans often need help figuring out how to live their best lives, humans often need help helping their animals figure out how to live their best lives.” (2:37-2:43 | Shannon)
• "Our animals don't have language. So, it makes it very hard for us to clarify to our animals what we think is happening, what we mean to communicate to them, and how we interpret their communication as well. (4:52-5:12 | Shannon)
• "Our animals communicate with us all the time, and we are also communicating with our animals all the time. That doesn't mean the messages always come through on the other end." (5:12-5:23 | Shannon)
• “We think that by yelling at our animals, that they're being bad, that that's an effective way because our animals don't want to hear that from us. We think yelling is an effective consequence. And that consequence just doesn't land for animals the same way that it might, if we were communicating to an animal with language, right, they don't perceive our judgment and disapproval, necessarily, in the same way that another human might. So that's not to say that they don't sense it. They don't necessarily know what to do with that feedback. And another thing is that when we're only telling our animals what we don't want them to do, they don't know what we want them to do instead. And so we're not helping them understand the other options.” (12:45-13:38 | Shannon) 
• “We have to be conscious of the fact that when we respond to demand behavior, we get more demand behavior in the future. That might make us want to think about anticipating our animals’ needs before they have to demand it from us.” (20:45-21:01 | Shannon) 
• “If you have enough awareness about what's going with your dog, and what's going on in the environment, you can get a lot further than if you are letting yourself be distracted.” (34:08-34:19 | Shannon) 
Links
 
Connect with Shannon Bolt:
Shannon's Domestic Animal: https://www.facebook.com/DomesticAnimal
Shannon Bolt's email: shannon.e.bolt@gmail.com
To ask a question or request a topic, visit: languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To join the mailing list and view show notes, visit: languagealchemy.com
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

73. Coming Out: A Journey of Bravery and Skillful Preparation

“Until you do something, sometimes you just don't know what the result will be,” explains guest Britt Bierly, Alejandra’s dear communication student, and coaching client. Coming out requires bravery and skillful preparation, no matter the circumstances. Today, Britt and Alejandra discuss the coming out communication process and growing our confidence authentically. 
When Britt came out to his parents as a trans man, he allowed them space to react, work through their feelings, and make a positive change. Now able to be himself with his family and at work, Britt can confidently exist in the world and be the leader he is meant to be. By genuinely listening to others and having conversations, Britt can connect to the people around him and make a positive difference in the workplace.
Coming out is an act of courage that requires sensitivity and space. Learn more about Britt’s coming out journey, providing room for reactions, and having the confidence to be yourself.
Quotes
• “I needed to come out as a trans man to my family. I have an awesome relationship with my partner, and they've been really supportive. And I knew that I needed to extend that out to other people. Just having that sense that you're not in complete alignment, you're living one way well in one space and another outside of that. And I just wanted to have a better relationship with my parents because, you know, hiding  doesn't work in the long run. So I was working with you to kind of come out in part because everything in my life has always been kind of connected.” (3:32-4:11 | Britt) 
• “Until you do something, sometimes you just don't know what the result will be.” (5:42-5:47 | Britt)
• “The ability to look at situations and know what I see and pull it apart as opposed to not having any idea what's going on is a big change. It helps in conversations or stressful situations. It makes a big difference if you can look at it differently and review it.” (13:00-13:22 | Britt)
• “On good days, I can verbally empathize and not just sound like I'm a robot repeating backward.” (14:10-14:17 | Britt)
• “If you're ever questioning yourself about something, just do it. Question after the fact and see how it turns out. It's probably the bigger payoff to stop with the questions and do what you need to do.” (16:54-17:04 | Britt) 
Links
To ask a question or request a topic, visit: languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To join the mailing list and view show notes, visit: languagealchemy.com
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

72. The Golden Rule

“Engage in the Golden Rule by giving others the grace you want to receive,” urges host Alejandra. With the holidays almost here, Alejandra understands that we will see loved ones, which may lead to contentious communication. To ensure kinder interactions, Alejandra explores the golden rule and treating others with the empathy we all deserve.
It is much easier to give ourselves grace than it is for other people. We know when we have good intentions, but when it comes to our friends and family, we often assume the worst. As a result, Alejandra shares how to look within ourselves to combat our biases and learn to give people the benefit of the doubt. After all, we’re all human, and applying nuance can help us communicate more effectively and with more understanding.
The Golden Rule is simple: treat others how you want to be treated. Learn more about the universal desire for grace, the bias-blind spot, and how we all need understanding.
Quotes
• “We don't consider the Golden Rule. We think of ourselves as complex, nuanced, multi-dimensional beings, who almost always have good intentions, and should be given grace.” (9:13-9:27 | Alejandra)
• “We have a bias-blind spot towards others. We see others as simple, one-dimensional, clearly ill-intentioned and definitely deserving of being labeled, criticized, punished and blamed.” (9:35-9:56 | Alejandra)
• “We think of ourselves as objective and reasonable. And we think of others as biased and unreasonable. And we use this bias to judge others more negatively than we judge ourselves. And the thing is that we do this without even knowing that we have this bias. That's why Emily Pronin calls it the bias blind spot. So we want to be given grace. And we want others to give us grace easily. But when it comes to us, giving grace to others, well, we find it much harder.” (10:10-10:50 | Alejandra)
• “I encourage you to consider the Golden Rule and the bias-blind spot.” (17:07-17:12 | Alejandra)
• “Remind yourself that you are human, and then show up with the other person with a heart full of grace, because after all, they are as complex, nuanced, and most likely as well-intentioned as you are.” (17:34-17:50 | Alejandra)
• “Engage in the Golden Rule by giving others the grace you want to receive.” (18:39-18:45 | Alejandra)
Links
To ask a question or request a topic, visit: languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To join the mailing list and view show notes, visit: languagealchemy.com
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

71. 3 Easy Steps to Express Gratitude and Mean It

“While gratitude is a beautiful feeling, it can be a challenge when it comes to communicating it,” explains host Alejandra. With Thanksgiving coming up, gratitude will be emphasized across the United States. Understanding that this feeling can be hard to express, Alejandra provides easy steps for communicating appreciation for your everyday life.
Often we use basic phrases to express gratitude, such as, “I’m grateful for all you do.” Although this is kind, its vagueness demonstrates our difficulty in saying how we really feel. We may find that communicating gratitude feels silly or that we struggle with vulnerability, but if we become more specific with why we’re grateful, we can foster true connection.
With Alejandra’s three easy steps, you can express to your loved ones how much they mean to you. Learn more about communicating love, why gratitude isn’t cheesy, and how to use the language of the heart.
Quotes
• “While gratitude is a beautiful feeling, it can be a challenge when it comes to communicating.” (1:51-1:57 | Alejandra)
• “If you find it hard to express gratitude, it would be useful to explore the underlying beliefs you may have about gratitude. And also, check if these beliefs are yours or if they're inherited.” (5:21-5:37 | Alejandra)
• “If you're finding it hard to experience or express gratitude, do some honest internal inquiry.” (9:02-9:10 | Alejandra)
• “The language of the heart is simple. Yet, it's more meaningful and specific. And the language of the heart leads us to an experience of true connection.” (12:32-12:44 | Alejandra)
• “Gratitude comes from the heart, and it’s a feeling connected to the feeling of love.” (17:14-17:21 | Alejandra)
Links:
To listen to episode 56: Why Is It Hard to Communicate Feelings? Communicating Feelings Part 2, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcasts/language-alchemy-podcast/episodes/2147773324
To ask a question or request a topic, visit: languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To join the mailing list and view show notes, visit: languagealchemy.com
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

70. 3 Communication Self-Reflection Practices

“When we reflect on ourselves, we see some aspects of ourselves with greater clarity,” explains host Alejandra Siroka. We all have communication behaviors that prevent us from having the relationships we want. With this in mind, Alejandra shares self-reflection practices that will allow us to break these patterns and communicate more effectively overall.
With the holidays on the horizon, many of us may dread getting together with family and friends, which leaves room for challenging interactions. Before our upcoming get-togethers, Alejandra suggests looking within beforehand to evaluate our typical communication patterns with others. By reflecting upon what does and does not serve us, we can strengthen our interpersonal relationships and have positive social experiences.
With Alejandra’s communication self-reflection practices, we can find the kinds of relationships in our lives that we long for. Learn more about the best times of year for introspection, the benefits of meditation, and reflecting on our social intentions.
Quotes
• “If you'll be gathering with family and friends, engaging in communication and self-reflection is very useful before you get together.” (2:48-2:57 | Alejandra)
• “When we reflect on ourselves, we see some aspects of ourselves with greater clarity. And ideally, with compassion and kindness, or at least with neutrality.” (3:02-3:14 | Alejandra)
• “If you spend most of your time serving, witnessing, and reflecting on how others communicate with you instead of devoting the time and space to reflect on your own communication, then you're going to have a hard time because you can't control how others communicate.” (5:35-5:56 | Alejandra)
• “Be your own witness and notice your intention, but please do this with compassion and kindness, or at least with neutrality.” (12:44-12:56 | Alejandra)
• “If you make communication self-reflection a regular practice, it will transform the relationships you experience with your friends, your family, and at work.” (15:09-15:20 | Alejandra)
Links
To take the What's Your Most Self-sabotaging Communication Habit quiz, visit: languagealchemy.com/quiz
To ask a question or request a topic, visit: languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To join the mailing list and view show notes, visit: languagealchemy.com
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

69. Your Self Talk

“Once you know what you say to yourself, you get to decide whether you want to keep saying this to yourself,” explains host Alejandra. Our inner critic and self-talk affect how we view ourselves and how we interact with others. Today, Alejandra gives tips on becoming more mindful about our internal dialogue to live a more fulfilling life.
Whether we realize it or not, our self-talk influences our daily decisions, interactions, and physical body. Negative thoughts about ourselves can lead to self-fulfilling prophecies that reflect our worst fears. If we become more self-aware of how we speak to ourselves, we can alter our outlook and form authentic, positive self-expression.
How you talk about yourself affects your relationship with the world around you. Learn more about morning and night mantras, evaluating your internal dialogue, and creating positive daily rituals.
Quotes
• “The way you talk to yourself does influence your interactions with others. But it also influences your mood, your decisions, your choices, your growth, your energy, your nervous system, your digestive system, in essence, your whole life.” (3:12-3:32 | Alejandra)
• “I don't teach my communication students or clients affirmations that someone else came up with. I teach the wonderful people I support to find their authentic expression.” (7:46-7:57 | Alejandra)
• “The more you listen to your internal dialogue, the more you'll pay attention to it, the more you will notice how it affects you, how it impacts your choices, how it influences your decisions, and how it influences your life.” (9:23-9:38 | Alejandra)
• “I love talking about communication and what we experience when we communicate consciously.” (9:43-9:49 | Alejandra)
• “Once you know what you say to yourself, you get to decide whether you want to keep saying this to yourself or whether there are other messages that you would like to give yourself that would be more supportive, more loving, or more respectful of you.” (13:28-13:45| Alejandra)
Links
To take the What's Your Most Self-sabotaging Communication Habit quiz, visit: languagealchemy.com/quiz
To ask a question or request a topic, visit: languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To join the mailing list and view show notes, visit: languagealchemy.com
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

68. Having a Voice That Counts

“I knew that if I became a US citizen, my voice would count more. And I could use my voice to help other voices count,” explains host Alejandra. Over the years, Alejandra has helped many people with their communication skills, but she didn’t become a transformative communication expert overnight. Today, she shares her personal journey that shaped her and the lessons she learned along the way.
When Alejandra first moved to the United States from Argentina, she somehow felt she was turning her back on her home country and family. When she became a U.S. citizen, she realized that her heart could belong to two countries and that becoming a citizen would make her voice count more. With this in mind, Alejandra urges all her American listeners to use their voices for good and vote in the upcoming midterm elections.
What we learn from our personal experiences can lead to having a voice that counts. Learn more about Alejandra’s move to the United States, her inner conflict with becoming a U.S. citizen, and how voting is the most significant transformative communication tool.
Quotes
• “I was part of a phenomenon called brain drain, which refers to the migration of educated or professional people from one country to another.” (4:04-4:14 | Alejandra)
• “You can imagine how scared I was to become a citizen of another country. Well, I worked on this internal conflict for years. I wanted to be respectful of myself, my choices, my heart's longing, my spiritual path, and my life's journey. I also wanted to be respectful of my Argentinian family, my route, my ancestors, and my cultural background. Like many of the wonderful people I have supported over the years, when we have an internal conflict, We experience an inner split, in which one part of us wants to do one thing while another part of us wants to do something different. And unless we engage with our inner conflict with awareness, openness, maturity, and gentleness, we tend to see things as black or white and consider them as a zero-sum game.” (4:24-5:24 | Alejandra)
• “I knew that if I became a US citizen, my voice would count more. And I could use my voice to help other voices count.” (5:47-5:57 | Alejandra)
• “Through transformative communication, I have learned to have a sense of belonging to both countries.” (10:09-10:17 | Alejandra)
• "The most transformative communication tool you may have access to is to vote. When you vote, your voice counts. When you don't vote, you let others make decisions.” (10:20-10:37 | Alejandra)
• “If you are in the United States, and you do have the right, make your voice count, and vote on November eighth.” (11:44-11:53 | Alejandra)
Links
To take the What's Your Most Self-sabotaging Communication Habit quiz, visit: languagealchemy.com/quiz
To ask a question or request a topic, visit: languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To join the mailing list, and view show notes, visit: languagealchemy.com
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

67. Conflict Can Be Scary

“Something scary for a lot of people when it comes to communication is conflict,” explains host Alejandra. Although challenging others may frighten us more than our favorite horror movie, conflict can help us find common ground with others. In honor of Halloween, Alejandra shares how to deal with the fear of confrontation.
Whenever we feel angry or hurt, we tell ourselves scary stories about the other person. We may feel confronting them is an act of war, leading to a never-ending fight, but conflict can be a positive. If we approach conflict like an opportunity to share our feelings with our loved ones and hear their side as well, we will no longer be afraid but be glad for the chance to deepen our relationships.
The more we face our fears, the less scary they become. Learn more about understanding our inner dialogue, why we avoid fighting, and how to use conflict to connect.
Quotes
• “Something scary for a lot of people when it comes to communication is conflict.” (1:29-1:35 | Alejandra)
• “People are scared of conflict because they equate the word conflict with “fighting.” And truthfully, this meaning of conflict is accurate.”(1:44-1:46 | Alejandra)
• “It's completely understandable that if you see conflict as a fight, or a battle, one in which you have to take a stance of a position, one in which you're going to have to fight your enemy, conflict will be scary for you.” (7:15-7:31 | Alejandra)
• “Wherever there are people, there's going to be conflict. When we can sort out these experiences to listen to one another with openness, what we find is not only our common humanity but also a deepening in our connection.” (9:18-9:37 | Alejandra)
• “Don't be afraid of conflict, be ready for it. Because wherever there are people, there's going to be a conflict, but you are the one who gets to decide how to approach it.” (12:48-13:00 | Alejandra)
Links
To take the What's Your Most Self-sabotaging Communication Habit quiz, visit: languagealchemy.com/quiz
To ask a question or request a topic, visit: languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion
To join the mailing list, and view show notes, visit: languagealchemy.com
Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqDI
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm