170. Developing Assertive Communication: 4 Tools to Express Yourself Without Aggression

Assertive and aggressive communication can feel surprisingly similar, so how do you know which one you’re using, and how it’s affecting the people around you? 

 

In this episode, Alejandra Siroka explains the real difference between the two, especially for those who’ve been told they’re “too much” when they were simply being clear. She talks about how gender, culture, and power shape the way assertiveness is perceived, and how easy it is to second-guess yourself when those old labels echo in your head.

 

You’ll hear a relatable example from home life that brings these concepts to life. What does it sound like to set a boundary without disconnecting from the people you love? How do you speak your truth without steamrolling someone else’s?

 

Alejandra offers tools you can start using today, from grounding your tone to making specific, respectful requests. She reminds us that when you lead with intention and stay rooted in empathy, your voice doesn’t have to come at the cost of someone else’s.

 

Quotes

• “It’s common that females and people who identify as females and people of color and those who are seen as outsiders of the dominant culture are accused of being aggressive when in reality they are communicating assertively.” (03:43 | Alejandra Siroka)
• “When you say something assertively, you are centered on your values. You have clarity about your needs. You are open to understand the needs of others. And you are willing to respect everyone’s needs as equally important.” (04:50 | Alejandra Siroka)
• “When you speak assertively, you enjoy valuable side effects, such as less anxiety, fewer experiences of helplessness, and the confidence needed for healthy self-esteem.” (06:10 | Alejandra Siroka)
• “Aggressive communication comes from fear and it leads to unhealthy power dynamics.” (09:09 | Alejandra Siroka)
• “Both assertiveness and aggressiveness come from the same source, the belly center of intelligence. But there is an important internal difference, and that has to do with intention.” (11:34 | Alejandra Siroka)

 

Links

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Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqD

Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm